Oh I Don't Understand At ALL

Everybody expects Apple to intro the new something or other in January.

Well, here at Rip Ragged we have it from a well placed source that Apple will introduce an eight-setting bone china collection with the images of great musicians of the 1970s hand painted and glazed into the finish. It will be sold with Apple's logo by the Franklin Mint. The first setting will featuring Carlos Santana. Later settings will feature Creedence Clearwater Revival, John Mayall, Paul Butterfield, The Allman Brothers, Grand Funk Railroad, Procol Harum, and Led Zeppelin. There will be a free limited edition Lothar and the Hand People serving platter for the first million or so customers.

Also, there will be a line of feminine hygiene products, a titanium adjustable open end wrench, and a toaster.

Some of the rumor sites have mentioned Apple releasing the Newton again, but that's just stupid. They already did that once and changed their minds.