Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Another Brief

Everybody has read that the world's most famous group of mindless tree hugging drones is suing Apple about pthalates in the iPhone. They don't warrant having free press on even my humble blog. FSJ gave them the right response: Siooma.

Leopard is coming. Yippee. I ordered it already because frankly, when it comes to OS X upgrades, I have less self-control than a seaman recruit on liberty in Subic Bay.

Just about every day there is more information validating the suckiness of Vista.

My Mac Pro has been on continuously since the last upgrade to 10.4 came out, whenever that was. I haven't had a single hitch. I'll restart it again after Leopard is installed.

There are over 300 new features in Leopard. I went and read about them. It isn't research if it's fun. I won't be doing any research in October. I just wanted to read it. I didn't see very many of the 315 that made my sticker peck out, but all in all I can't wait to play with Spaces and Time Machine.

Some of the unpublicized features that I've been able to make up out of whole cloth are --

In Mail, there is a feature that lets you track spam to its source, then send back a special little snippet of code that causes the case of the offending computer to melt. In the case of *Viagra, male enhancement, and porn spam, the software sends a note to the spammer's address book announcing the spammer's genital rash and relationship with a barnyard animal. Then it melts down the system into a small puddle of PVC, lead, and mercury.

In TextEdit, you can now edit Air America podcasts in real time, and resend them with the phrase "I'm a retard" sprinkled seamlessly throughout the lunacy.

GarageBand loops now include the guitar intro to Over the Hills and Far Away, the voice intro to Iron Man, the drum solo from In A Gada Da Vida, and a MIDI file of Jimi Hendrix playing The Star Spangled Banner.

Those are the important ones. Also, if you pour a jar of non-dairy coffee creamer and a cup of lukewarm organic apple cider vinegar into the box and shake vigorously for five minutes, it will make eight ounces of perfectly aged Roquefort cheese.

Don't quote me on any of this. I'm not allowed to reveal my sources.

*If a guy needs Viagra, porn, or enhancement, well, that happens. You know? If you need more than one of them, seek professional help. If you need all three, get another hobby. Go bowling or something. Seriously. Move on. You have a different calling.

Note to Leigh: It's a self-help book of the substance abuse variety.

On some post in the future, I'll expound on my theory of "movements" and their "organizations." The group of retards suing Apple over some hazardous elements in the iPhone is a great illustration. Preview: There are about three people in any political organization that have really thought things through and have something like a cogent philosophy. Everybody else brainlessly reads from the newsletter and the quote book. You have at most 20% of the organization that really does all the work for the organization. That 20% may or may not include the guys who own the ideas. The other 80% are parrots who didn't get enough hugs as children.

For the record, Green Pees is entirely a political organization. They are more interested in getting a good trade-in price on their Lexuses (Lexi) than they are in Mother Earth.