Friday, October 05, 2007

Dateline: What the hell does "dateline" mean?

Apple today announced that they'll give a free Nano to anyone who can show a pants pocket with an iPod shaped burn, and a few singed pubes.

Some folks around the web are claiming proudly that they'd rather have a Verizon Voyager than an iPhone. They're lying. Over on Seeking Alpha they show the Verizon/LG not-an-iPhone in a photo next to a real iPhone. There really is not a nice way to say that side-by-side with an iPhone, the LG looks like ass.

The most important thing to keep in mind is Apple's announcements later this month. All of the more influential analysts are convinced that this will be a crucial moment for Apple. Everyone expects His Steveness to release a reverberating fart during the presentation. That's what happens when you have baked beans, boiled eggs, and beer the night before a keynote. Steve will blame it on Microsoft. It will probably only clear the first two rows of the auditorium. People in the third row will fan their hands and say, "Holy shit." There has also been some mention of software and whatnot.

Based on my research, there will be a 16 Gb iPhone – with a built in smoke/CO detector and an AM radio – three new flavors of ice cream, and a vegan dill sauce that's to die for. And you know how diligent I am about research.

In other developments, Vista still sucks.

I was going to revitalize reports on Zune, but I couldn't think of a way to make fun of it that wouldn't be plagiarizing Microsoft's efforts. Besides which, Tin Pan Alley is playing and I'll be busy playing air guitar and shouting around the room for a few minutes. That always ruins my train of thought.

Hey! I ordered pepperoni.