Microsoft Stock Up

Meh.

In other news: Not much. I read everything I could find today. I've finished developing my classes for the next training cycle. It doesn't start until December. I don't actually start a full training schedule again until January. Life is mellow (read: dull as the cutting edge of a bowling ball).

What I've been able to figure out is that now that Apple has released the iPhone, Leopard, and new iPods, the rest of the year's news will largely consist of reports on the stock price, speculation about first quarter earnings and holiday sales, rumors of new products and categories.

It's almost a sure bet that Apple is about to enter gender-specific markets this year. They will most likely start big. Look for lingerie, candle holders, and wicker furniture bearing the Apple logo in the second quarter next year. They'll probably introduce a car entertainment system as well. It will sync via WiFi with your computer, and store your entire video and audio library and show videos in HD on multiple screens. GPS and verbal directions to the nearest Apple store will of course be standard.

For guys, well, I did mention lingerie didn't I? I asked a saleswoman in a Victoria's Secret one time if they had anything in the store for men. She said, "Honey, everything in here is for men."

Did you hear? There's malware targeting Macs. It's a Trojan Horse that you mostly get from porn sites. MacWorld has more information on it. There has to be fifteen minutes worth of really stupid jokes in that little announcement. Trojan. Horse. Porn sites. Infections. I can't do it. Just looking at it sends my brain into a nested loop.

That's all for tonight. I'm going to take advantage of MSFT being up. I'm going to sell what I own of it in my Virtual Fund. I'm also going to sell the few shares of Dell I have there. I think I'll probably buy some EIX with the proceeds of those two sales.

For tonight, though, I'm just going to beat my wife's ass at Scrabble®.

Drive slow, if you drive fast you'll alert the older trick-or-treaters to your presence and miss the opportunity to flatten the greedy little bastards.

It Rocks

Yes. It's true. Leopard rocks.

Rocks.

I'm into the severalth day of running Leopard. It makes me smile. Every once in a while I click on the Time Machine icon in the dock. I keep waiting for the Imperial Cruiser to enter from the top of the screen, firing on the Rebel Fleet. It never does.

I haven't had time to really sit down and get the whole computer busy – writing, running iTunes, searching Google, a game going, adding clowns, barnyard animals, and soldiers to lesbian porn in Photoshop, and what have you. When I get there, I'll probably get to play with Spaces and see if it's as cool as I think it will be.

This just in: Vista sucks. Man. Everywhere you go people are slamming it. Some of the MS-fanboy sites are damning it with faint praise, or just making excuses for MS. They say it has to suck because MS is beholden to so many people to make it keep on sucking. Developers and IT managers need it to suck. Stockholders force it to suck. The economy demands that it suck. Nobody denies that it sucks. Sucks.

NBC is being stupid. That Zucker noodle thinks his idiotic sitcoms are responsible for the success of the iPod. He thinks he can charge more than a dollar-ninety-nine for that dross he calls programming. Arrogant fuck. NBC.com and Hulu will not be news for more than a few weeks, at most.

Zucker, your programs are garbage. People only watch them because the years of television have numbed their brains. Or they're too tired, bored, or disinterested to screw. People who spend time on the internet or watch video on iPods don't have time for that crap. We're to busy living to schedule our meals around the TV Guide. Apple is about to kick your ass. Kick. Your. Ass.

Broadcast television is where Zucker picks what I watch and when I watch it. I don't like how Zucker picks either one. Apple is where the market decides. If it's good it sells. If it's shit it dies. NBC, CBS, ABC die. Sitcoms die. Survivor dies.

Leopard Rocks.

Shake n Bake chicken for dinner. MMMMMmmmmmmm.

Non-fanboy type stuff

The folder icons suck. (Tip of the bill to Leigh)

I want widgets on my desktop without resorting to Yahoo! I don't like hitting F12. I just want to look to one side and see my stock prices (up).

I also want WiFi backup. WiFi. Backup. No, I don't want to go type shit into the Terminal to magically enable it. When I decide I want to type in commands I'll buy some decaying t-shirts with penguins on them, get consecutive days of wear from my white socks and boxers, wash laundry on even-numbered Saturdays, and make a disk partition for Ubuntu. Until then, I want what I want, and I want it buried no deeper than a radio button in System Preferences. Thank you.

The iPhone says it has Bluetooth. The computer says it has Bluetooth. Why don't they sync with Bluetooth? Is there a recent Microsoft refugee in the Bluetooth shop? What the hell? Okay, maybe it would take too long to sync pictures and music and podcasts, but why not the address book and iCal? Huh?

Here's a great idea for an iPhone app. A presenter. Just a little doo-dah with two or three buttons on it that controls a Bluetooth dongle for Keynote (or PowerPoint if you must) presentations.

Alright. That's enough.

How I Did It - Viktor Von Frankenstein

Here's what I did:

I tried Carbon Copy Cloner. My pathetic little wussy 80 Gb external wasn't up to the job. So, I did a targeted clone of everything except some redundant crap that I could do without anyway. With all my important stuff safely (?) on the wuss drive, I started the upgrade.

I did hit a snag – very early – before installation even started. The computer didn't want to fire back up after the restart. I sat for about three minutes staring at Apple's version of the blue screen of death – the spinning graphite asshole of death. I held down the power button for the required six seconds, then held the "C" button to make sure it knew to start up from the optical drive. Everything came up after about 40 seconds.

I went through and clicked "Agree" where I couldn't just hit "Return," all the way through the process. Then I restarted, and it has been running fine ever since. So, in effect, all I did was upgrade the OS to X.V. I thought about wiping my HD and starting from scratch, like some kind of knowledgeable geek, but I'm far too lazy.

Now that I've had some time to play with this thing, I'd say I'm pretty happy. I agree with Leigh that Time Machine is cool. Version control is a cool thing, indeed. I'm pretty good at creating an irretrievable fuck-up. Time Machine should help with that.

I don't know if I'll get around to really getting any value out of Spaces, but I might. When I have time to start a game of Civ IV (probably in late Jan, early Feb) it will be cool to play in one space and work in another. We'll see how that goes.

The best thing about upgrading to the new OS. Whenever I do a major upgrade I go through and clean up the HD a little. I found some files and apps that I forgot about. Good stuff. The apps all work, too. The only app I'm having trouble with is Bookworm Deluxe. It doesn't like it here. 'Sokay. I wasted too much time on that anyway. All the other ancient apps (not Classic apps, natch) work just like they always did.

What's all this crap with the "fan" thing? Does the dock have to be on the bottom of the screen for that? I keep my dock on the right hand side of the screen. I don't get any weird graphic stuff. It's not a complaint. I like it just like it is, but I'm wondering where all the weird stuff I see in screen shots went.

So anyway, no complaints on Leopard. I didn't have to install any drivers. My printer works fine. An old Sony CD-R drive that I've had for years works better now than it did a week ago. The iPhone seems to like it fine. I installed in on wifey-poo's PowerBook G4, she barely notices it. I'll show her how to use Spaces later and see if that rings her bell.

Now, if I may, let me frame this:

We just installed a major OS upgrade that didn't break anything. Our printers work. All but a few of our applications work. The interface stayed close enough to the same that we don't have a steep learning curve. The differences in the interface may enhance the way we use our computers, but they won't impede anything unless we just decide to play with them. We're not going to spend hours and hours reconfiguring everything just so we can get back to basic usability.

That's exactly the same experience I've had with every upgrade of a Mac operating system from Day One. The only steep learning curve I ever had was going to OS X from Classic, and that was pretty close to painless.

That's why I cannot understand why anyone would voluntarily use Windows. Linux? Okay. You like to tweak the innards of the machine, or you're a developer. I can understand that. But Windows?

You open the box and Microsoft takes a big dump on your head. You're obviously trying to steal it, so they immediately pat you down. Type in that 32-digit code, and it better damn sure not match any other computer in the world. Then it's hobbleware unless you pay extra for the superwhamadyne version that won't run on your pathetic two-year old machine anyway. When you need an upgrade, Microsoft will tell you. No, you don't get to decide when and if to upgrade. By cracky, if Microsoft decides you're going to use their desktop search engine you will. Right fucking now. Screw your network and your preferences.

Then, good luck printing your letter of complaint. Go download a driver, if your printer is even supported.

That, friends and neighbors, is why I'm a shameless Apple fanboy. I'm not geeky enough for Ubuntu, and I have too much self-respect to voluntarily run Windows. That's also why Leopard absolutely rocks. A non-geek like me can run it. I can customize it enough. I can use features I like, and not use features I don't care about. All that and Apple doesn't make me empty my pockets, take off my shoes, and open my carry on before I leave the store.

Bitchin'.

Well so much for...

I was going to do a big whoop-de-do, jumping up and down, fanboy holler about Leopard. But I really can't. All it does is work perfectly, near as I can tell.

I really like Time Machine. I don't back up. Never have. It's like losing weight and learning not to tell the boss he has a booger hanging out in the middle of his presentation – from the back of the room. It's one of those things I always knew I should do, but never got around to. Time Machine will just do it, as long as I have the drive plugged in.

I had to go buy a new drive, but there was a Western Digital 500 Gb drive on sale at Circuit City for $129. That's cheap. They had a 320 for only $99, but what the hell. For thirty bucks, 180 more Gigs? That's six for a buck. Okay.

I'm noticing some fairly major changes. The old System Preferences icon has changed. Instead of looking like it should be to the right of the door as you walk in, now it looks like the inside of a Timex. Big improvement there.

Finder windows are two-tone, now – just like those shoes Henry Blake wore into the helicopter on his trip out of Korea.

I just started playing with Spaces. I'm kind of wondering if it's possible to have a different desktop picture in each one. Don't know about other preferences either. I'll fiddle with that and report back, unless I forget. I sometimes do that. My wife thinks I have adult onset ADD. I think she just doesn't want me to spend the money it'll take me to do ground school and get my pilots license. She wants to spend the money on landscaping the yard, which frankly looks just fine since I planted the hedge. Well, it looks fine to the neighbors because all they can see is hedge. Besides, who cares what they think, anyway? Ever since they moved in a couple of years ago they think they're the dog-damn horticultural police for the the whole frigging block?! It isn't like their yard is exactly the Garden of Eden.

Mail is two-tone. It has a "Mail Activity" pane in the "Message Viewer" window. Thank you for that. I always wondered what the hell my mail was doing.

Oops. Time to play Scrabble.

Huh.

Well, the most important thing I notice early about Leopard is....

Nothing.

No hitches, no glitches, no extra stuff to do. It just works.

It looks like there are some things I have to go play with. Spaces looks interesting. I have to buy a bigger external drive. I'll get to that this afternoon. It seems a little faster than Tiger. Not frighteningly faster, just less hesitant in places.

I'll go look at some sites and see what I should be diddling with to make it more fun, but for now, it looks cooler than Tiger in some places and just the same in others.

I'm digging it. One minor annoyance. The menu bar translucency is a little odd. It lets the ID of the MacDesktops picture show through just a smidgeon. It isn't a problem, and I'm sure I'll get used to it in time, but it is a little bit of a "Meh, we could do without that."

I have to eat breakfast and move sets. Yay.

It's installed

I finished the install about 10 minutes ago. It's cool.

What the hell was all the bitching about the menu bar. It looks fine to me. I have to buy a bigger external drive tomorrow, too. Little bastard isn't big enough. Crap.

There's some stuff I'll have to fiddle with tomorrow. Right now I need my beauty rest.

Peace.

PRE- Obsequious Fanboy Leopard Review

All times are PDT, because, frankly my math skills aren't what they should be.

1901: Carbon Copy Cloner is making a copy of my HD to my external drive. This looks like another half hour. Has anyone noticed that Apple really does put their money where their mouth is? There is no DRM on OS X. None.

1909: Lalalalalalala. Fresh cup of coffee. Anyway. You could buy one copy of Leopard and install it on all your friends Macs. Nobody would ever know. People don't. I bought the Family pack to install it on all the computers in the house. I could have saved $70 by just buying a single license. Am I stupid? Nah. Just honest; most people are. Apple gets that. The Evil Empire doesn't.

1917: The copying continues. The window with the big X and the install icon is in the upper left corner of the screen, taunting me. It looks like another 40 minutes. Gaaaaah! It's okay. I have Crystal Blue Persuasion playing, now.

1924: I just thought of something else. Apple promised to release this thing at 6:00 local time, everywhere. They didn't promise anyone they'd get Leopard today if they ordered it online. We all hoped we'd have it today, and our hopes were fulfilled, but Apple promised nothing of the sort. Yet they did it. That's why we're fanboys (-girls).

1933: Another thing: I read a site somewhere today; some guy was talking about the great hardware design of Apple products; the attention to detail like the magnetic cord on MBPs. Some guy in the comments said Mac freaks are all about the software and don't notice the hardware all that much. I sometimes wonder why that baseball is getting bigger. Then it hits me. We love our software. Sure. We don't notice the hardware much? Hmm. I think it's because we know we have Apple products. We're spoiled rotten on good hardware design. Did you see the new Bang & Olufsen mp3 player? It looks like a 1976 artists conception of something from the year 2001. Compared to an iPod it looks like crap.

1941: It looks like another ten minutes or so of copying. Carbon Copy Cloner works pretty good, near as I can tell. I'm gonna pay the man $10 for the software, even though I'm only going to use it once. It's worth it just for the peace of mind. Not only that, but it's a nice little program. Very easy to figure out and use. Hell, I even managed to get through it without a manual.

1957: Maybe in a little while this frigging thing will finish copying. Damn. I wanna play with Leopard before bed. We're moving sets and props onto the stage tomorrow. If I never hear the words "Peter Pan" again it will be too soon. Gaaaaah. We finish the last show the Sunday before Thanksgiving. S.P.F.C.CS.MF.T. Apologies to George Carlin.

2021: Alrighty, then. The copying is done. Man, oh man. This is almost as bad as going shoe shopping with my wife. The only thing that makes this better is that I can yell, "Is this going to take the rest of the fucking afternoon?!," and I don't get any dirty looks from cute cashiers. I'm going to let this post die. We'll start the REAL Obsequious Review in a few minutes. After the install. I didn't realize I had that much crap on my HD. I gotta clean that mess up. I just noticed, watching the progress bar go by, that I have Free Bird. I hate that song. I love Skynnyrd, but that song makes me retch. Don't know why. Maybe for the same reason Stairway to Heaven makes me reach for the mute button. Just heard them one too many times.

2048: Just in case there are Microtards reading this, I don't want to give the wrong idea. The time at the beginning of this update is the PDT that I shut it all down and start the install. I want to get this right. I don't know why. It doesn't matter to anybody but me, but that's enough. I don't really have to do this whole HD backup thing. I've installed every Apple OS before this without a hitch, and didn't do any of this crap. I'm just wearing a belt and suspenders 'cause it seems like a good idea at this moment. Okay. 2048 is the time.

I'd better feed the cats after I start the install.

It's not my fault.

I still don't have my copy of Leopard. FedEx came. Instead of a wicked cool new operating system, they left me a note. The note is definitely not wicked cool. I have to wait until after 5 PM PDT, to get my hands on it.

True story:

I left work early. On my way home I spotted a FedEx truck driving through town. I followed it to the next stop. I asked him if he had my package. He did not. He took my address and iPhone number and sent a message to the driver who most likely does have it.

The possibility still exists that I could install it sooner than eight o'clock tonight, but the glimmer of hope is fading.

Dang it.

As soon as I have it, the Official Rip Ragged obsequious fanboy review begins.

On an unrelated note: Leaving work early on Friday afternoon is just about the coolest thing in the world.

Update 1835: I have just finished a game of Scrabble with wifey-poo. CCC is making a copy of my HD to my external. The Leopard Disk is in.

Update 1851: This may take a bit. Had Mexican Pepper Steak, a chili relleno, and two Mirror Pond Pale Ales for dinner. Life is good.

1856: Just an idle thought while the copy is ongoing. Did anyone else notice how unbelievably cool the box is? Apple put a lot of creativity into that. That kind of stuff is what Apple pays attention to that the other guys don't. They didn't have to make it look that cool to sell it, but they did. Okay. It's 1900. I'm starting a new post.

Leopard is coming. Ooooooh.

I got my notification this morning. It has shipped. It should actually BE here tomorrow.

As a public service, I'll post the time as soon as I have the box. Then I'll post the time again after it's installed and I'm diddling around with it. I figure the whole process should take less time than it takes to get the stupid dialog box for an Office update to close and stay closed (~45 minutes, last time unless you add the time it took for the program to remind to install the same update an hour later, and again the next day).

Then, of course, whether you like it or not, I'll give it a brief, cursory, fanboyish review. While it installs and reboots, I'll install my new HD receiver down in the living room. I'm guessing both activities will occupy about 30 minutes. Then I'll write a few glowing phrases about how frigging cool Leopard is.

We're down to the last two weeks of Peter Pan rehearsals. I will be ecstatic when this one is over. I think this play may be the one that completely satisfies my lifelong quota for musical theater. There are at least three members of the production staff that I would happily kick in the ass so hard I'd have to pull them out of the rafters to get my shoe back. Also, there are far too many children in the cast. They've mostly been raised according to Spock instead of Dobson. You can tell right away. The snotty-nosed, screeching, ill-mannered, bad tempered little bastards should be locked up and fed brussels sprouts and navy beans until they learn to shut the hell up for thirty seconds at a stretch. Out of a cast of about forty kids, there are maybe three that have more than a vague concept of a spanking. They're tolerable. One of them is even fairly bright and pleasant.

Every once in a while I have to physically leave the room to quell the urge to say, "Shut up, you spoiled, stupid, sitcom-addicted little CRETINS!"

Other than that, it's been a pretty good day.

It's bedtime. Let the cat out, would ya?

Today's News

Microsoft has invested in Facebook. That's exciting. Another instant billionaire. This may seem crass, but Facebook doesn't look any more useful than Mah Jong to me. That kid who started the site kept jacking up the price based on, as near as I could tell, smoke and mirrors. I'd sell out for a couple hundred thousand. Heck, a six pack of IPA would probably get you a share of revenues and a chance to edit.

Enough of that.

Leopard ships Friday. Yeah.

Let's see. What else?

10.4.11 is coming soon, too. I'm kinda wondering if I should bother. What with Leopard coming in a few days, is it worth installing an upgrade to Tiger? Hard to say. Any ideas?

Lots of people out there predicting one thing and another. New iPhone in the spring, new iPods in the pipeline, tablet Mac coming in January, Seahawks will win the NFC West, all kinds of random crap.

Yeh. My home team. The Seahawks. They're the odds-on favorite to win the most pathetic division in the pros. They're one and one against teams that haven't won a single game. Oh, baby.

Most everything else on the web that's even vaguely Apple related is speculation. The rest is opinion based on speculation. It's all geniuses who agree with me and idiots who don't. But I guess that's always the way.

Geez. I hope I didn't disappoint everyone.

P.S. I no longer hate the Cowboys. I still don't like them, but Tony Romo is cool. He plays the game with heart. Maybe the first QB in Dallas with any class since Staubach. I could learn to like a team with a guy like that playing.

Ooooooooh. Yeah.

Bawahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Not to brag, but some days it's just good to be an Apple shareholder. Somebody reported that Apple's market cap is bigger than IBM's and Intel's as of today. I think that's apropos of nothing useful, but it's kinda cool anyway.

One thing I'm really happy to see is that people are saying Leopard will be even more secure than Tiger. There was a bunch of technical jargon associated with those discussions on a site called TidBits. I read it, but frankly the whole thing was a little geeky for me. The last time I did anything remotely like programming was back when I used to copy really useless BASIC programs into my Commodore 128 out of the backs of magazines. I think that was about 1985 or so.

My comparison for "more secure" is along the lines of:

Well, I haven't had any malware in the last 20 years on, like, seven different Macs. When OS upgrades were accomplished by taking a few disks down to Computerland and having them burn you a copy of the new system and finder. Then you took it all home and installed it. The whole process, including stopping for a pint at the pub, took less than an hour unless there was a football game on at the bar. But that was okay. You probably had a file downloading. An 80k font, downloading at 300 baud from GEnie, was going to take a while anyway.

I know I was online with my Mac SE because I was online with my Commodore 64 in 1982. So 20 years almost constantly online with Macs, not a single piece of malware. 100% nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Scratch. Goose egg. The empty set. Diddly. Squat. Blank. Void.

Now Leopard is going to be more secure than that.

Okay. I can go with that.

The Macalope is reporting that some noodle thinks Apple needs to sell Macs with Windows bundled. That makes perfect sense to me. They should include C/PM, too. And OS/2. Maybe DOS, just for shits and giggles.

Let's take this concept to the whole consumer market. From now on, all Porsches and Mercedes should include a spare tire and jack from a 1974 Ford F-150, too. In fact, all great products should come bundled with some obsolete component from a competing brand.

USDA Choice Prime Rib should always be sold pre-marinated in A-1 sauce.

Single malt scotch should be sold on the rocks, in the bottle, with a little Dr. Pepper.

I can't do this anymore. Dinner's almost ready and I'm destroying my own appetite.

Windows on Macs. Pheasant under glass, with a splash of ketchup, and a glass of Diet Cream Soda.

Gag me.

Sleazy Weekend

The coming week -

Monday: Apple stock will go up before the bell, down during the day, then back up after the bell. Apple announces earnings after the bell. Earnings will once again beat analysts' estimates. I do not intend to trade a single share based on those prophesies. I would if I was really stupid or if I was managing a few thousand retirees' life savings, but I'm not.

Tuesday through Thursday: Apple's stock will be up and down more than Paris Hilton at a frat party.

Friday: Apple will announce a bunch of stuff everybody expects and at least one thing that nobody sees coming. Somebody may have accurately predicted what that new thing is based on a combination of having a rough idea what markets Apple is in and random chance.

Here are some of my predictions for the "One more thing."

1. A Chiclet computer. The CPU will be the size of a cuff link. It will charge its Zinc-Air battery using an internal stirling nano-engine and the ∆T across its thickness. The output will display to a pair of bluetooth enabled contact lenses and sound will be processed by cochlear implants.

2. A free copy of the printed program for all invitees to the Keynote address.

3. At long last, the Apple/Microsoft merger. The Microsoft division will henceforth be known as "those assholes in Redmond." Steve Ballmer can legally keep his name as long as he only uses "Monkey Boy" in business correspondence.

Other news - people are actually buying Leopard. Deliberately, on purpose, voluntarily, as opposed to having it rectally inserted as with certain other (Vista) operating systems that shall remain (Vista) nameless.

In the coming weeks Paul Thurott, Rob Enderle, John Dvorak, MSNBC, and a few others will all be able to find a small minority of disgruntled Leopard users. Building upon each others' meaningless drivel, they will turn the bitching of a very few into a series of increasingly shitty "Apple crisis" articles that ultimately mean nothing. They will find ways to compare Leopard unfavorably to Vista.

I will laugh out loud at their inane rants.

Apple's stock will trend upward.

I'm planning to sell at about $5oo/share; only about 20 shares though. I figure at that point it will be time for a new machine (a really, really, ass-kicking machine).

Oops. Time to let the cats out.

Update: Well not really. But this seemed relevant. There are already retards out there comparing Leopard unfavorably to Vista. I thought they'd wait until actually seeing it operate first, anyway. Silly me.

Some people should not be allowed....

I have to go rehearse soon, so this one will be quick.

There is a guy out there somewhere, and I swear I'm not making this up, who is suing Apple because his 8 Gig iPod only has 7.5 Gigs of capacity. He claims he's been cheated out of 7.5% of the space he paid for. Apparently this individual has never purchased a hard disc drive in his entire life.

I'm in awe. Dude. They sell it in decimal; they format it in binary. Ever has it been. Ever shall it be.

The democratization of tech has finally come to this: People with the tech savvy of snake shit in wagon tracks are buying advanced technology and getting offended because they don't understand the frigging language. Then, without bothering to get educated, they go hire equally technologically advanced lawyers and file class action suits based on exactly nothing.

That's why our judicial system is so bogged down. Idiots and lawyers, but I repeat myself.

Supper time.

Big News (none.)

For a second day in a row, absolutely nothing is new.

Unless you count that Apple has made it official that there will be an SDK for iPhone-native apps released in February. That made headlines all over the place. "Apple Changes Their Mind," and crap like that. I don't remember how I knew, but I read on the web – way back in the wild and woolly days of January – that El Jobso had the plan to ship a developer kit from the git-go. I know I read it, because I don't remember ever even wondering if it was going to happen. Ever.

Then there was that thing about Greenpiece getting caught in the bathroom flipping pages with their free hand. Turns out Apple isn't violating anything, anywhere with the ingredients in the iPhone. Apple is compliant with every dipshit greeny rule on the books, and with their own stated promises. Any expectation that the facts will have any effect on Greenteeth's behavior is just silly and misplaced. They're far too smug and self-satisfied to see any problem in their reputation as raving lunatic assholes. I guess that is kind of newsy, but so predictable that it doesn't really warrant the waste of much bandwidth. The sun came up in the East today; Somebody, somewhere farted really loud during an important presentation; Greenfreaks arrogantly assumed they could bullshit the whole planet with their dross. Not news.

Well, then there's some bitching from people who bought brandy-spanking-new Macs before the October 1, magic moment, who think they're getting ripped off because they have to pay full price for Leopard. Waaaa. I bought my Mac Pro in August, knowing full well that I would probably have to pay full price for the upgrade to Leopard. I lived. $100/year to keep my family's Macs up to speed with the best operating system on the planet doesn't seem like much to me. Hell it costs more than that to feed us for a couple weeks.

Go buy a Dell and live with Vista. Piss ants.

Intel's stock price just went up like 5% today. That might be big news if it wasn't for Intel spending 22.1 billion (yeah, with a b) on R&D from 2001 to 2005. That's more than three times AMD's current market cap. Who do you think is going to advance processor technology faster? Who do you think is going to be running behind the elephants with a bucket and a shovel? I'm no rocket surgeon, but it seems like pretty easy arithmetic to me. Yes. I do own some of it. The only thing that's surprising is that it took so long.

There. I'm done. Oh wait. One more thing. The Mac jumped up to 8.1% market share in the third quarter of this year. Apple is now the number three computer maker in terms of sales, behind Dell and HP. I can't wait to see what the 4Q numbers look like.

If I owned Dell, I'd close up shop and give the stockholders back their money. Well, most of it anyway. I'd probably buy myself a nice island and an Italian sports car (or two) first. And some scotch. And a box of Henry Clay Brevas a la Conservas.

The trick is to let the Ballpark Franks simmer for an hour or so with the Van Camp's Pork & Beans to meld the flavors together. Serve with a big old squirt of French's yellow mustard. Also it should be accompanied by a bottle of Coor's Banquet Beer, chilled to about 33ºF. That, my friends, is redneck gourmet at its finest.

Another Brief

Everybody has read that the world's most famous group of mindless tree hugging drones is suing Apple about pthalates in the iPhone. They don't warrant having free press on even my humble blog. FSJ gave them the right response: Siooma.

Leopard is coming. Yippee. I ordered it already because frankly, when it comes to OS X upgrades, I have less self-control than a seaman recruit on liberty in Subic Bay.

Just about every day there is more information validating the suckiness of Vista.

My Mac Pro has been on continuously since the last upgrade to 10.4 came out, whenever that was. I haven't had a single hitch. I'll restart it again after Leopard is installed.

There are over 300 new features in Leopard. I went and read about them. It isn't research if it's fun. I won't be doing any research in October. I just wanted to read it. I didn't see very many of the 315 that made my sticker peck out, but all in all I can't wait to play with Spaces and Time Machine.

Some of the unpublicized features that I've been able to make up out of whole cloth are --

In Mail, there is a feature that lets you track spam to its source, then send back a special little snippet of code that causes the case of the offending computer to melt. In the case of *Viagra, male enhancement, and porn spam, the software sends a note to the spammer's address book announcing the spammer's genital rash and relationship with a barnyard animal. Then it melts down the system into a small puddle of PVC, lead, and mercury.

In TextEdit, you can now edit Air America podcasts in real time, and resend them with the phrase "I'm a retard" sprinkled seamlessly throughout the lunacy.

GarageBand loops now include the guitar intro to Over the Hills and Far Away, the voice intro to Iron Man, the drum solo from In A Gada Da Vida, and a MIDI file of Jimi Hendrix playing The Star Spangled Banner.

Those are the important ones. Also, if you pour a jar of non-dairy coffee creamer and a cup of lukewarm organic apple cider vinegar into the box and shake vigorously for five minutes, it will make eight ounces of perfectly aged Roquefort cheese.

Don't quote me on any of this. I'm not allowed to reveal my sources.

*If a guy needs Viagra, porn, or enhancement, well, that happens. You know? If you need more than one of them, seek professional help. If you need all three, get another hobby. Go bowling or something. Seriously. Move on. You have a different calling.

Note to Leigh: It's a self-help book of the substance abuse variety.

On some post in the future, I'll expound on my theory of "movements" and their "organizations." The group of retards suing Apple over some hazardous elements in the iPhone is a great illustration. Preview: There are about three people in any political organization that have really thought things through and have something like a cogent philosophy. Everybody else brainlessly reads from the newsletter and the quote book. You have at most 20% of the organization that really does all the work for the organization. That 20% may or may not include the guys who own the ideas. The other 80% are parrots who didn't get enough hugs as children.

For the record, Green Pees is entirely a political organization. They are more interested in getting a good trade-in price on their Lexuses (Lexi) than they are in Mother Earth.

Just a Quick One

I've been editing my wifey's book all day, so I haven't paid any attention to the world around me. I got my daily update from Slashdot. A quick scan validates that Vista sucks. Apparently some European country is advising people to ask for XP when they buy a new computer. I don't know why you'd do that, personally. If you buy a decent computer, it comes with a great OS already installed, plus the latest version of GarageBand.

Hey, maybe Al Gore could be Hillary's running mate.

I had an idea that might be cool. How about if the price of .mac included all the OS and iLife upgrades. Now that would be worth $99/year. I'll bet you a plate of deviled eggs the switchboard would light up for .mac as soon as that deal hit the street. Just sayin'.

I don't know if El Jobso checks out this humble blog or not, but if he does: Hi, Steve!

Okay, that's enough.

I need my beauty rest. In fact I'm probably more in need of beauty rest than any other heterosexual male in my weight class on this continent.

Post Number Two

Second post tonight. And my wife thinks the only things I can do more than once a night are eat and fart.

I want to blather about the stock market. I've stopped reading "experts" and "analysts." All I've learned is that they are really good at telling you why the thing they predicted yesterday didn't happen. Just to establish my nonexistent credentials, here's my Marketocracy Fund. It's a virtual fund. Under the chart you can select more recent time frames to see the performance since the market recovered in 2002. I do okay. Not stellar, but okay. I'm beating the S&P over the last five years.

My portolio looks just like that, only smaller. It's like a porn movie.

Anyway, I started playing in the stock market before the internet bubble burst. I read analysts and experts. I read the Motley Fool, Investor's Business Daily, The Wall Street Journal, Barron's, Business Week, Forbes, Fortune, Money, name it. I made myself dizzy trying to figure out a strategy.

Then I read The Warren Buffett Way. After all, he's the greatest investor of all time according to many. Based on what he said, I started completely rethinking all that crap.

Humor Break:

A Texan goes to Harvard. He's orienting himself to the campus on the first day and comes across two fellows who look like they might know the way around.

He asks, "Hey. Can one of you fellers tell me where the library is at?"

One of them replies indignantly, "At Hah-vud, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

He apologizes, "I am sorry. Can you tell me where the library is at, ASSHOLE?"

Anyway, so I started just buying good companies with low priced shares. When I bought Apple, absolutely nobody gave them a chance. The stock was trading at about $25 a share. Same when I bought GM last year at $19. I just bought Ford a couple of months ago at $7 and change.

My theory is similar to Warren Buffet, but with a slightly different tilt. He uses the analogy of Mr. Market, a bipolar business partner. Mr. Market is sometimes just giddy. On those days he's willing to pay more for your share of the business than it's worth. Other days Mr. Market is morose and depressed. On those days he's willing to sell you his share of the business for less than it's worth.

You can profit by taking advantage of Mr. Markets moods, or by ignoring his moods. You lose money when you are infected by his moods. I ignore his moods. It's easier.

When a stock's price is depressed, I ask myself if I'm willing to bet that the company will stay in business, and will it make a comeback. The best performing stock I own is Joy Global. It's in the Marketocracy Fund, and I really own some too. I bought it on its way out of Chapter 11. That stock is up over 400% since I bought it in my real portfolio.

So, for what it's worth, my strategy is working. Obviously there's more to the strategy, but hey, I'm just test firing it here for possible future use.

The reason I'm talking about all this is that "analysts" who I generally disdain, are giving all kinds of kudos to Apple and yipping about Apple in similar tones to [pause - Oh Girl by The Delfonics is playing] [Okay. I'm better now] what you'd expect from someone discovering a 2000 year old cork and bread knife near Gesthemane.

No news for a few days. There are rumors. There is speculation. People make shit up out of whole cloth. Jim Cramer honks his face. The stock goes up several dollars one day, down the same amount the next day, then back up again. All this happens with absolutely no information about the company being disseminated.

So all that analysis means exactly dick. I don't think I'll buy or sell any Apple for a while. I might buy some more Duke Power (DUK), though. Do with that what you want.

Humor Break 2:

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They’re mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That’s a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then stomped them flat and said, "Well, that might be okay in California, Vermont, and New York, but we’re not having any of that shit in Texas."

Time for a beer before bed.

News Roundup for the Week

ZuneNation.com - last updated 12/22/06

ZuneOnline.com - Couple of new items: You can buy a brown Zune 30 from Newegg for $139.99. I don't normally do links, but I need a second opinion. Is this man happy or in severe pain? I'm guessing the latter. Also on this site, it looks like somebody downloaded a new version of Zune software, and now their player doesn't work. Anyway, that's what I thought I read.

Vista News - Check this story over on Computerworld. Yeh. I finally figured out how to use the link thingy. Funny stuff. It seems that despite my best efforts, word hasn't gotten out. Vista sucks. It seems to be starting to catch, though.

You know, what's really funny about all that crap isn't that it's being written, but where it's being written. The Zune stuff is where you'd expect something of a fanboy atmosphere. Computerworld never used to rip on the Borg, or even allow Borg-negative copy to find its way to the public.

In Apple news, um....well...nothing. There are endless rumors about Leopard, the iPhone, iPods, Steve Jobs' man-crush on Al Gore, and new Macs. That's because bloggers must blog. No basis in reality. The "news" about iPhone lawsuits and the like is finally dying down a bit. The noisy ones comprise a small percentage of all iPhone owners. Apple sent their lawyers, but other than that: Nothing. No comments at all. I mean, really. Raise your hand if you'd put down a slice of pepperoni pizza to meet one the plaintiffs.

Apple released a new version of software for the iPod Classic. I'm wondering if it fixed some of the complaints I heard. I'm also wondering if I'm going to get an iPod Nano for Christmas.

I still think Poetry Man by Phoebe Snow is the sexiest track ever recorded.

PIns and Needles

Just a quick post tonight. Rehearsal ran late. I have to get up early.

1. People are still squealing like stuck pigs about the iPhone thing. In fact, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan seem to have become fairly dull and pedestrian topics in the news.

2. I just went to Ron Paul's site. If you log on with your iPhone, you get a special /iphone at the end of the URL and the whole site is in iPhone friendly formatting. I read his positions on various topics. I like what he says. First guy I've read to make real sense on the Middle East shitpuddle and the whole Homeland Security issue.

Also read a few other conservative pundits. It looks to them (and now me) that if it ain't Ron Paul, it's probably going to President Wicked Witch of the Midwest. Dang it. I was hoping to avoid any political involvement this year.

3. I also followed a link on FSJ to some knucklehead who says he owns a Mac, and then goes on to kick the shit out of Artie McStrawman for a few paragraphs. All us Apple fanboys are just zealots who worship at the shrine of His Steveness. What a bozo.

I have seen a Zune in the wild. The guy said, "It's just like an iPod, but it has an FM radio in it."

This chili needs a few more peppers.

Apologies to All. Dang.

Wow. I'm feeling pretty bad these days. All the screaming and whining and pissing and moaning about the bricking of iPhones has me feeling mighty guilty. I suppose it's time for me to accept my culpability in the whole iPhonegate scandal.

Right here on this blog, which approximately seven (it could be as many as 11) people actually read, I made wildly unsupportable claims about the iPhone, and now poor Steve Jobs will have to answer up for my indiscretion. His Steveness tried to set the record straight, but once again was overcome by the sheer raw power of the blogosphere; I know I played my part.

I knew all along that the iPhone wouldn't successfully function as a meat thermometer, air compressor, or arc welder. Did that stop me from making gross overestimations and duping an unsuspecting public just to feed my single-minded obsession with Apple's stock price?

Sadly, no.

Even though the real specifications were clearly spelled out by Apple, I continued to insist that the iPhone would repel mosquitoes, cure chronic bronchitis, and improve your golf swing. I said it would block solar radiation. I said that in case of a water landing it could be used as a flotation device, that objects in the rear view mirror may be closer than they appear, that cigarette smoke contains carbon monoxide, that you can't always get what you want but if you try sometime... Well you get the idea.

I was lying.

There. I said it. I'm a big fat liar. Although, since I've been sticking pretty close to the Atkins Diet, I've started to get a bit thinner, so that could change.

But even I, with all my prevarications and fantabulations, didn't tell anyone that the dogdamn thing would run third party apps at the system level or work with another carrier. And I certainly never claimed that Apple would customize the system software to support every random feckin' hack that somebody decided to install. I mean, I may be a borderline psychotic, psychopathic liar, but give me credit for some brains. Damn.

I just want to say to all the people who are suing Apple because Apple did precisely what they told you they were going to do: Your lawyer will make money. Apple's lawyers will make money. You will get zip point zune. Plus you have to talk to lawyers. Sucks to be you.

Dateline: What the hell does "dateline" mean?

Apple today announced that they'll give a free Nano to anyone who can show a pants pocket with an iPod shaped burn, and a few singed pubes.

Some folks around the web are claiming proudly that they'd rather have a Verizon Voyager than an iPhone. They're lying. Over on Seeking Alpha they show the Verizon/LG not-an-iPhone in a photo next to a real iPhone. There really is not a nice way to say that side-by-side with an iPhone, the LG looks like ass.

The most important thing to keep in mind is Apple's announcements later this month. All of the more influential analysts are convinced that this will be a crucial moment for Apple. Everyone expects His Steveness to release a reverberating fart during the presentation. That's what happens when you have baked beans, boiled eggs, and beer the night before a keynote. Steve will blame it on Microsoft. It will probably only clear the first two rows of the auditorium. People in the third row will fan their hands and say, "Holy shit." There has also been some mention of software and whatnot.

Based on my research, there will be a 16 Gb iPhone – with a built in smoke/CO detector and an AM radio – three new flavors of ice cream, and a vegan dill sauce that's to die for. And you know how diligent I am about research.

In other developments, Vista still sucks.

I was going to revitalize reports on Zune, but I couldn't think of a way to make fun of it that wouldn't be plagiarizing Microsoft's efforts. Besides which, Tin Pan Alley is playing and I'll be busy playing air guitar and shouting around the room for a few minutes. That always ruins my train of thought.

Hey! I ordered pepperoni.

Oh I Don't Understand At ALL

Everybody expects Apple to intro the new something or other in January.

Well, here at Rip Ragged we have it from a well placed source that Apple will introduce an eight-setting bone china collection with the images of great musicians of the 1970s hand painted and glazed into the finish. It will be sold with Apple's logo by the Franklin Mint. The first setting will featuring Carlos Santana. Later settings will feature Creedence Clearwater Revival, John Mayall, Paul Butterfield, The Allman Brothers, Grand Funk Railroad, Procol Harum, and Led Zeppelin. There will be a free limited edition Lothar and the Hand People serving platter for the first million or so customers.

Also, there will be a line of feminine hygiene products, a titanium adjustable open end wrench, and a toaster.

Some of the rumor sites have mentioned Apple releasing the Newton again, but that's just stupid. They already did that once and changed their minds.

Okay, How About THIS Link

The big link to my picture in pirate stuff.

In case anyone was wondering, I'm rather inept at the whole "link" thing. But it's okay. It hasn't affected my ability to eat regularly.

Please make complaints to (650) 327-7673. That's the Rose & Crown Pub in Palo Alto, California. The last time I was there was 1991. The bartender will remember me.

The New Zunes

Microsoft has introduced new additions to the Zune line-up. I didn't want to be the only Mac blog to not comment and analyze that development.

Comment: In Great Britain they really don't warm their beer up to drink it, as some people may believe. They drink it at "cellar temperature," which is somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 to 55 ºF.

Analysis of the latest addition to the Zune lineup: I can see more value in discussing Britney's custody battle, and before I'll permit that discussion to take place anywhere near me, I'll ask everybody in the room if they had a good bowel movement today and whether they prefer creamy or crunchy peanut butter. Generally that scares everybody off, so I can drink my martini in peace.

I was going somewhere with that, but frankly I no longer care.

There. That's over with.

Verizon has introduced a new iPhone killer. How come every time somebody introduces a shoddy, kludged together mass of poor technology with a shitty interface that looks vaguely like an Apple product [might look if it were created by a 14-year old boy with a pocket knife, a box of crayons and Attention Deficit Disorder], it's called an [iPod/iPhone/Mac] killer?

I guarantee this Verizon phone won't approach the iPhone in any meaningful criteria, including sales. I looked at a picture of it. It wasn't done in the name of research, so I'm still not claiming any fact checking for October. Anyway, it looks just like a cheesy-ass knockoff. I'm not going to go look at one, but I'll bet you it looks like poorly painted homemade attempt at imitation.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go rehearse my dance numbers for Peter Pan.

I've played a pirate before, y'know. If you follow this link, I'm the first picture you'll see. The earring is a clip-on.

http://finewine-photography.smugmug.com/gallery/978260#45123553

Duty calls.

The Name of the Game

Distress. Angst. Woe. Grief. Anger. Pain. Discomfort. The heartbreak of psoriasis. Jock itch. Apple isn't serious about games. Dammit.

Huh. Well, maybe it would be pretty cool if I could play Halo 3 on my Mac. I wouldn't, but it would be cool if I could. Every once in a while I play a game of Civilization. I'm on Civ IV these days. It's fun on the weekends I can really devote to it. I hope the game continues to be sold in new iterations every few years. Each new revision brings new stuff. I still think Civ II was the best, but that's just me.

I have a couple of friends who play Eve Online on their PCs. That sounds like it's pretty nifty, and that will be coming to the Mac one of these days, I've heard. I've always wanted to noodle around with an MMORPG. The problem is, to do it right I'd have to invest a lot of time to it that I just don't have available.

I don't know who these "hard-core gamers" are. It seems to me that it must be a niche even smaller than the Graphic Artist niche that Apple is famous for owning. Maybe Apple just doesn't think it's a demographic worth pursuing.

Who are all these people who have all this money to spend on cutting edge, high powered, bad-ass technology for playing games? I mean, I'm not poor, but if we're in the $2k - $3k range for a computer, the sumbitch better have some higher purpose than simulated blowing up virtual imaginary robots to save a fictional galaxy. Y'know?

I'm open to other opinions, but near as I can tell Apple is making a business decision to not get all pantymoist about first-person shooters. I probably agree with their decision for the wrong reason: I think first-person shooters are idiotic. I've thought so ever since Frankenberry or whatever the hell that game was in the early '90s (Muttanjeff? Huffenpuff? Scratchensniff?).

If there were really Mac people serious about the platform as a game station, they'd make it one. Here's my guess at what will happen. The Mac will gain market share because it's a superior computer with a superior operating system. As that happens there will be more and more game fanatics with Macs. The Mac "hard-core gamer" demographic will eventually get big enough that Apple won't be able to ignore them anymore.

Then we'll get a Half-Life port. I, myself, personally, won't give a rat's ass.

The kettle's on the boil, and we're so easily called away.

On and on and on and on and.....

Everywhere you look, people are STILL bitching about Apple and the iPhone/iBrick thing.

Blogs all over the place are giving it more column inches than it deserves. What a waste of good bandwidth. I'm done with it. I just want to say, for the record, that there are some stupid people out there using technology.

There's also a lot of bandwidth being wasted over the 3p software for the iPhone. Steve Jobs said early in the going that they were planning on issuing an SDK this year. He just wanted to make sure he could guarantee the security of the thing. I just read DC's comment on an earlier post about this. FSJ isn't really prescient, or hooked in, he just pays attention and remembers what was said. Kind of an oddly long attention span for a blogger, but then he isn't really one of us.

The only posts worth reading (besides me and FSJ) are over on Mac Daily News. Apple closed at another all time high today. Yippee. I'm only being sarcastic because it's easily predictable that Apple's stock will keep going up, at least in the near term. Apple isn't in competition with anybody. Apple is all alone on the playing field. Hell's bells, even the Miami Dolphins and the Saint Louis Rams could score by early in the second quarter if their opponents didn't take the field.

There's another article about some company called HTC that introduced their version of the touch screen phone. I was going to go read about it, but I've decided not to do any research this month. The new "competition" won't be running a version of OS X. Therefore it will suck. I'm guessing it will have a media half-life of a few days. Then, after nobody buys one, it will disappear like all the others.

There's a new Zune. It has flash memory. Show of hands: who gives a shit? That's what I thought.

Someplace else, somebody reported that Apple's installed base is 6.61% of all the computers on the internet. 90% of all the computers on the web run some flavor of Windows. That's supposed to be important. The Toyota Camry is the best selling passenger car in America. Raise your hand if you think that's a good reason to go buy one. Yeah. Me either. If there's a more useless factoid than "what most people are buying" I don't know what it is.

Some brain-damaged publicity hound is suing Steve Jobs and Apple for dropping the price of the iPhone. She's probably that blonde you heard about with the headphones on and the tape recording saying, "Breathe in, breathe out..." so she doesn't forget and keel over dead.

All the coverage Apple gets on the web would be funny if it wasn't so predictable and mindless. The good thing is that all of it benefits Apple. You can't measure the value of all that free advertising. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that all the worst crap being written (Enderle, Dvorak, Thurott) is being paid for directly from The Steve's personal checking account. Those guys do their trolling and the feckin' switchboards light up on every Fanboy blog on the web. It's like watching the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles. You know it's coming but it's still funnier than hell when you see it.

Thanks for dropping by. Join me on the front porch. I'm thinking how evil it would be to throw rocks at the pit bull chained up in my pain-in-the-ass neighbor's yard. If you did it often enough, that dog would eventually get pissed off enough to eat the next biped in range of his chain. That would be awful.

I should just take my medicine and go to bed.

Two Quick Things

I have to go to work, so I'll make this brief.

1. 320x480.com looks like it might turn into something some day. Some other sites with iPhone wallpapers had promise but I didn't see anything that made my sticker peck out, so I guess I'll have to rely on my own photos for now.

2. I gotta tell you that this is blog is a hoot. All four (five when Cooper shows up) of my readers are awesome. My own personal red phone to D/FW. I almost feel like I oughta embed the Stevie Ray Vaughan song in the site. I'm hoping to branch out some day; maybe pick up a reader in San Antonio and a couple in Houston and Amarillo.

Hmmph. Gotta be in the classroom today. 18 people who know the material better than I do, know me and all my hot buttons, and don't want to be there. No, I'm not allowed to carry the Beretta. Thank God the money's almost enough.

Wow. This sucks.

Y'know, I normally don't do this. This is a fanboy site, after all.

Leigh doesn't like the iPod classic. Frankly, it sounds like Leigh got a lemon. But I'll withhold judgment for nonce. I haven't seen any other reviews yet. I'll keep my eyes open.

All the hullaballoo about the iPhone price drop continues. I'm guessing a lot of lawyers will make money, and that will be the end of it. The whole argument against the price drop is pretty nebulous (translation: stupid).

Then there's the coming class action suit against Apple for locking the phone. That one might have legs except for one teensy-weensy-itty-bitty detail that everybody seems to have missed: Apple didn't lock the iPhone. If you own an iBrick, you did it.

Apple announced that v 1.1.1 would brick unlocked phones and disable 3p hacks. Then Apple released version 1.1.1.

Let's say Bubba handed you a gun and said, "If you point this here end of the pipe at your head and pull this little lever – we call it a 'trigger' in Waco – it will splatter the contents of your brain pan all over yonder wall." If, a few moments later, there is a mess on the far wall that looks vaguely like Elvis, is it Bubba's fault? Bubba took great pains to explain that you ought not to do that.

If you read the EULA, it doesn't require you to upgrade your software, just because an upgrade is released. Anyway, you don't give half a shit about the EULA or you wouldn't be bitching about your busted-ass iPhone in the first place.

As for the ringtone issue, well, I kinda hope Ambrosia and Apple can make peace on that one, but I doubt it. Apple probably had to make a deal with Satan (RIAA) in order to be able to offer that feature. I'll bet you breakfast at iHOP His Steveness had to promise the record companies that he'd break iToner with the update.

That blows a big one. Andrew Welch has been writing great shareware/downloadware for the Mac since the earth was cooling. At least twenty years – at least I've been downloading his work for that long. I downloaded Easy Envelopes from him before he decided to call himself Ambrosia Software. I'm rooting for iToner. This in spite of the fact that I think 99.44% of all ringtones warrant shooting the owner of the phone without a trial. I love the Tom Petty song, "Asshole," but not as a ringtone; not during my lecture on Effective Communication; not with a Department of Energy auditor in the room taking notes with which to spoil the rest of my week. Thank you.

On a brighter note, there's a place called 320x480.com that has a bunch of pictures specially made to be iPhone wallpapers. I'm going to see if there's one that looks like really nice masonry work; ideally red brick. Every time I look at it, I can laugh at all the bozos who just had to touch to see if the "Wet Paint" sign was really true.

I think I'll have one more cup of coffee.