On the Environment

First of all let me say that I am extremely pro-the environment. I believe everything should be recycled – not just cans, bottles, plastic, and paper – everything. No matter how useless it is, it should be recycled: cigarette butts, boogers, failed foreign policies, K-Fed – everything.

Stop driving. Cars are bad. Fossil fuel emissions are going to destroy life as we know it on this planet and it's time you people stopped. I'm tired of this moral relativism, too. I don't think driving a hybrid car makes you in any way superior to someone driving a tricked-out Hummer. You're still dumping crap into the environment. If you think your flimsy little econobox gives you some kind of greeny-wussy bragging rights, you can kiss my back bumper (on the Lexus, thank you).

Everybody should stop driving cars except for me and my friends. We need to after all. It's cold here, and we have to get from one place to another. It isn't like we're going to walk or anything.

This brings me to the main point of this post: Global Warming. I'm against it. Everyone with the good sense God gave a stack of pancakes hates global warming. The ice caps are melting. Some frigging animals and possibly some plants are going to be extinct because of the change in the average temperature. I don't really know the names of any, but there must be some – and probably a couple of fish, some protected species of bacteria and fungus, and possibly a human offshoot tribe of dwarves with two penises on an undiscovered island in the South Pacific .

But here's the deal. Since we're stuck with global warming for now – I mean barring some treaty where China and Cambodia are actually, verifiably required to stop spewing megatons of toxic shit into the ecosystem – let's be a little more fair about it.

Somebody is getting a lot of extra "warming," and some of it was supposed to come to where we are freezing our "globals" off.

Frankly, I'm a little pissed.