Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Y'know I was kind of having fun with stuff that the iPhone doesn't have. It can't sync up to my Vic 20 (or my Timex-Sinclair 1000, for that matter). I can't use it as a tachometer in my MiniCooper. It won't substitute for a butter churn, doesn't have scissors or fingernail clippers. You can't connect a 3.5" floppy drive to it. Where's the mouse? It doesn't come in brown.

I thought I was just being my normal, derelict self.

The reality is that this gadget – with sufficiently advanced technology to be indistinguishable from magic – is being criticized all over the web for things it doesn't do.

One gripe: It doesn't have GPS.
Assessment: So? Which phone are you using now? Does it have GPS? LORAN? Stay on the main road, you'll find a frigging sign. It's worked for me for 50 years.

Another snivel: It won't sync with your computer via WiFi.
My take: So? Plug it in. Is that so damned hard? Come on. Besides, the Mac has the best hackers on the planet. We'll be sync'ing by August.

Oh, please: It only works with Cingular.
Get a clue: If they didn't sign something with some carrier it would have had nothing to connect to. It would have been as useless as WiFi on a Zune. So let's see, do you go with the dweeb with an entourage of hard hats, the network with the yellow ads, some dink-wad upstart buy-your-minutes-up-front carrier, or the biggest carrier in the country. Decisions, decisions.

A complaint for the sake of complaining: It only has a 2 Megapixel camera.
Don't blow your nose. You'll expel those two remaining brain cells: Hey Steve! Stop production. Oh my friggin' toenails. The iPhone won't be the camera of choice for National Geographic location shoots.

Cell phone cameras are great for throwaway snapshots. Aunt Debbie with the cat. The cat playing with a dying bird. The new sofa with cat hair, birdshit and feathers all over it. If you hire yourself out to photograph weddings that do not take place at trailer parks and truck stops, chances are you will not use a cell phone. If you're on location for Life Magazine, it's a good bet you'll make your phone calls and snap your pictures with separate devices.

The iPhone is frigging awesome. The user interface is what the 21st Century is supposed to look like. The technology crammed into that little bugger is phenomenal. And it's beautiful.

R. Buckminster Fuller once said, "When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty but when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong."

The iPhone is beautiful.

Quit whining. Dorks.