Apple Earnings Report Due Tomorrow

Tomorrow afternoon Apple will report their earnings for the most recent quarter. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you place your bets:

1. People who want or need smart phones can afford $500.

2. Nobody says "mp3 player" unless they're fighting over the leftovers of the iPod market.

3. People who spend $500 for a smart phone want one that kicks ass.

4. The four letters that go in 1 Across: Digital Jukebox are I P O D.

5. All the currently available smart phones are obsolete, new, in the original shrink-wrap.

6. Because the iPhone kicks ass.

7. Apple introduced two products at MacWorld.

8. Hundreds of new products were introduced at CES.

9. Without using a search engine, name two.

Totally unrelated observation

There is a word for people who think all they need to navigate through snow and ice and mud is a 4x4. That word is: stupid. In case you missed the news, advertising is just about pure bullshit. The TV ads showing SUVs driving vertically up the sides of snow-covered ice cubes are not real.

Driving in snow and ice requires skill. A 4x4 is a tool to make the job easier if you already know what to do – like a screwdriver. If you don't know which way to turn the screw, it doesn't matter if it's standard or phillips.

A 4x4 in the hands of a novice is like a pistol in the hands of a monkey. Except the monkey is less dangerous.

Try the beans. Don't forget ketchup.