Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Tuesday Update

This Tuesday and every Tuesday immediately following the Summer Solstice of 2007 we will update news from the entire overpriced-nonessential-widget industry.


Here is what I can glean from reading the internet postings of various ranting idiots:

  1. If Rosie O'Donnell slipped on the high diving board she couldn't make a bigger flop than the iPhone.
  2. The iPhone will be the biggest thing to hit the consumer market since the invention of the grocery cart.
  3. The iPhone is going to change the world.
  4. The iPhone doesn't (insert some silly bullshit that nothing else does) so it isn't worth a tinker's 401(k).
  5. Every other company that ever thought about cell phones has something that does the same stuff an iPhone does better and cheaper.
  6. Apple is taking a huge risk releasing the iPhone.
  7. The iPhone is locked into AT&T. Feckin' Hell! We're all gonna die.
Well, I guess some people have to write something, even if it's utterly meaningless. I offer this blog as Exhibit A.

Here's the one fact that you, as a loyal Apple stockholder, need to know: The lines are forming.


Mine's working now, despite my best efforts to destroy it through abject stupidity.


The Zune is available in black, white, brown, pink, and red. I'm sorry. You already knew that? News? Okay. Engadget says that Microsoft is going to release new versions of the Zune. The one with a hard drive will be named for a venomous land shrimp. A flash-memory Zune will be named after a smoke-belching lizard.


Okay. I'm kidding. There isn't any iPod news. The same rules still apply. The iPod is still the four-letter answer to 6 Across: mp3 player.




The Seattle Seahawks will win the Superbowl. Don't ask me to explain, because me talking football would not compare favorably to Jimmy Johnson discussing nuclear physics.

I have to work in the morning.