Tuesday, June 19, 2007


I think we're concentrating too much effort on telephones and computers and web browsers lately. It's time to look up and notice that there's a big wide wonderful world out there.

1. Iran, which doesn't officially condemn blowing up women and children in the name of Allah, is rapidly developing the ability to deploy nuclear weapons.

B. The new diet drug "Alli" works just as well as all the other diet drugs. Which is to say, not well. It has dangerous side effects. The big one being that users stay fat and don't get any smarter. "Eat less and exercise" is the only long term weight loss program that is proven to work. Also, "eat less and exercise" has very few side effects.

III. Gasoline still costs over $3 a gallon. Boycotting Exxon/Mobil won't work for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that most people are either too stupid to understand the concept or smart enough to know the concept is hogwash.

d. The Chinese are trying to kill Americans by selling us toothpaste with anti-freeze in it and toy choo-choos with lead paint. Run for your life. On your way back pick up a six-pack of IPA.

5. France has elected a conservative government. So the next time they surrender, at least they'll have Vive Rush Limbaugh and NRA stickers in the back windows of their Volvos.

vi. Congress isn't passing bills. This is a good thing. Trust me. No matter how much you support legislation on any issue, Congress not passing bills is saving you money.

Lastly: The Presidential Election of 2008 is almost a year and a half away. Already the Democrats are lying about how they'll pull the troops out Iraq and the Republicans are lying about how we'll win the war. If you're young and haven't calibrated your bullshit detector yet, you're in luck.

For the next 17 months you won't be able to turn on a television anywhere on the North American continent without hearing a horse's ass from one or the other major party hooting about his plan for leading the country into a brave new future, and how every other candidate will lead us into immediate starvation, abject poverty, moral collapse, physical ruin, and warm light beer.

Why it's all B.S.

A: The President's main job, apart from deploying troops, is to adopt the appropriate facial expression and tone of voice for the situation. Mostly his chief of staff explains which hand he should put in a pocket on a moment by moment basis.

B: The President's only real powers are to send troops, pardon the convicted, and veto congress. A really good president can probably rebuild a carburetor and shoot a fair game of eight ball. They can't save the country though.

All of the above: The war, the economy, and the price of pickled okra dictate the actions of elected officials. Every time you try to do it the other way around you get shit all over your new shoes.

Anyway, set your BS detector on the high scale for the next few months. If you don't own waders, don't turn on the TV.

Zune News:
According to the Zune Insider today: Nothing. Farther down from the top there's a mention of a red Zune. Apparently you can get them at Target. Nothing on the site says why you'd want to.

I have to go to work in the morning.