Thursday, February 07, 2008

Hey. Who Drank the Last Beer?

Over at MacDailyNews today I started following links around the innernut. I ended up at some financial/tech/stock-investor site/blog/page. I wasn't doing research. Honest. My class finished up early. It's the last day of the work week, and I somehow managed to get through all the material 2 hours early. So I thought, gosh, I could just go home early.

Then I got back to my office to find a meeting going on in the conference room down the hall. All the other instructors and my boss were in the room. There is nothing more frightening than to be the one who misses the meeting. I mean, if somebody is going to volunteer and be voted unanimously to lick the pubes off the urinals, it'll be the guy who wasn't there. As luck would have it I got there just in time. By just in time, I mean too late to vote myself out of any shitty jobs but with plenty of time for abuse from my peers. So the day was a complete success.

So, with the prospect of going home early dashed on the jagged rocks below, I went web surfing. I could have actually done some of the shitty jobs, but at 3:00 on the last day of the work week the only thing you actually "do" in the office is spring the practical jokes you've been setting up all week.

To make a long story a bit longer, this finance blog reports that Apple is manufacturing about 400,000 MBAJs. Unless His Steveness is planning to eat them with French onion dip, that's pretty good news. The same site said that Apple is building more Macs, and that they expect, based on those numbers, Apple will sell more Macs. Thank the maker there are wise analysts who can take simple numbers and provide us with blatantly obvious conclusions.

Someplace else in my surfing....

Some phone company CEO in either Norway or Sheboygan or Milwaukee or one of those other Arctic European countries said that the iPhone is "pretty useless." I think his name was Ima Dümâs, or something like that. Same guy has said before that he'd like to sell iPhones. Then he demonstrated his ability to maintain a single streamer of drool all the way to the floor and was led out by his handlers.

Other stuff...

Vista still sucks. Vista SP1 will be released in an unannounced unpopulated area of North Dakota. It will be a small private ceremony; only family and friends will be invited. If you live in North Dakota, downwind of the release, you'll know immediately. Trust me.

Other Vista news....

Several metropolitan law enforcement agencies have expressed an interest in using Vista for certain inmates and suspects in capital crimes. Used as a suppository, Vista should eliminate the risk of flight among the target individuals. After all, once Vista is installed, nothing runs very well.

More news...

There's a rumor that Apple is going to have an event the last week of February. My sources report that there are actually several events at Apple in the last week of the month.

  • Aimee in accounting is getting married. There will be a cake and soft drinks in the cafeteria at lunch on Monday.
  • The taco-feed potluck to celebrate 1,000,000 hours without a lost workday injury will be in the second floor lunchroom on Wednesday. Even though it's a taco feed, Linda will probably bring her lasagna again. It's the only thing she can cook that's edible, and Mike from software design loves it. He's married, but she's been hot for him for three years. He doesn't have a clue.
Also, on Tuesday, Steve will announce that Apple is bored. Out of utter ennui Apple will make the following changes, unless His Steveness changes his mind later or is so busy playing Mystical Mahjong that he forgets:
  • Apple, inc., is changing its name to "The Magnificent Cosmo and his Dancing Vermicelli."
  • Apple will acquire a controlling interest in the Mitchell Brother's O'Farrell Theater and convert it to a Sushi Bar and souvenir shop (after a thorough cleaning).
  • Steve Jobs will henceforward be referred to as, "Master Jobst Fimil."
  • The name "iBook" will be attached to something that does not look like a toilet seat from a 70's Barbie dollhouse.
When asked for further comments, Master Jobst Fimil said, "You're rude. May the Force be with you."

I haven't actually looked, but I'm pretty sure the Zune still sucks.

I'll check on that tomorrow. No wait, I'll be busy with web stuff. Maybe Saturday.

Okay, I'm done. Deal.