Monday, February 04, 2008


Welcome, TeraPost refugees. The tunnels here aren't as well developed as those at CARS, and they haven't been well explored, but feel free to snoop around. If you brought sexbots, iFlames, and iPrairiedogs, they're welcome to stay if they don't soil the hardwood floors.

Thank you.

On to business.

I just read a guy over on some other web site. Shaw? I think that was his name. I'm going to call it research, just on the off chance I don't do any this month. Anyway, this Russell Shaw guy wants to know why Apple doesn't introduce a $699 computer. Lots of other companies have computers at that price point. If Apple really wants to expand its market share, it needs to go after the people who can't afford Macs.

Dear Russ,

Apple isn't going to introduce an el-cheapo computer. Apple sells Macintosh. If you want a cheap, crippled, slow, buggy, piece of crap – they are available. They ship with Windows installed. If you can't afford a Mac, don't buy one.

Your argument that economy sux (sic) is totally lame. The worst thing Apple could do in any economy is to water down their brand by selling crap. Not to mention that Apple would be the only premium company on the planet to answer a bad economy by announcing that, henceforward, they're going to sell inferior garbage.

I really like Samuel Smith's Old Brewery Pale Ale. It costs between $2.50 and $3.oo for a 12 ounce bottle. I'm glad they keep the price point there. If they made it as cheap as Busch, they'd have to reduce the quality of the ingredients and hire brewers from the bottom of the tun, and then guess what? I'd have Samuel Smith's Cheap-ass Swill. No thanks. I can't afford the good stuff all the time, but I like to know the good stuff is there.

I'd really like to own a Lamborghini. I sure wish they'd introduce a $25,000 model. Wait, if they did that, it probably wouldn't matter much any more. Never mind. Might as well get a Ford Focus.

Here are a few other things that aren't going to get suddenly cheaper because the economy is bad:

Filet Mignon
Beluga Caviar
Peanut butter
Toilet paper
Dish soap
Wild Coho Salmon
Henry Clay Brevas a la Conservas
Johnny Walker Blue Label
Stick matches
Paper clips
Rubber dog shit

Oh, to hell with it. Everything. All of it is not going to get cheaper because the economy sucks. The suggestion that one company, specifically in business to provide a premium product, should suddenly sell a stripped down piece of junk just for you is inane. Call Sony and ask them why they don't sell a TV for the same price as a "comparably equipped" Vizio. Call Denon and ask them why they don't sell stereo equipment for the same price as a "comparably equipped" Emerson.

While you're at it, find out why I can't buy a 1982 Chateau Lafite Rothschild for the same price as a bottle of Chianti Classico. I mean, dogdammitall, it's the same thing, right? It's just 750 milliliters of rotten grape juice.

If you want a $699 Mac, I suggest eBay. You might be able to get a clamshell iBook G3 for that price. Don't worry. It'll run Tiger.


Rip Ragged
P.S. Please notice that at no time in the above letter did I resort to cheap name-calling. I never said, "retard," "asshat," "complete idiot," or any other of dozens of pejorative terms designed to infer abject stupidity approaching the sentience of lawn statuary. Never did do it. After all, this here is a classy blog.
In other news, clever computer scientists have determined that the MacBook Air Jordan isn't as powerful as a MacBook. Despite the fact that the MBAJ has fewer ports, a slower processor, less battery life, and no optical drive, it is less capable than a MacBook. Thank you, smart computer guys for discovering that. I could have hurt myself. Next I'd like you to see if a 1985 Yugo is as cool as a BMW. Don't just compare easily obtainable specs, and obvious conclusions. Run benchmarks.

Oooh. I smell popcorn popping. Either that or somebody farted.