Monday, January 28, 2008

Interesting Phenomenon

Is it just me, or is the internet getting more anti-Apple lately?

First, let me put this in perspective. I'm listening to Mark Knopfler and Chet Atkins. I just had a couple of IPAs. Also, we had a site closure because of snow. I just had a paid day off.

Life is good.

Everybody seems to be riffing on Apple. The stock price went down. Where are all those iPhones? The MacBook Air Jordan is larger than a Triscuit and less powerful than a Cray. Garbage. Microsoft, LG, Nokia, Qtrax, Universal-NBC, Sony and a host of other companies have introduced iSomething-killers over the past year or so. So far all the iSomethings are selling faster than sugar-free iced tea in Hell. All of the iSomething-killers are in the realm of "What the hell was the name of that thing?"

I was just reading today, too, that the new Windows Mobile 7, due out next year, will be better than the iPhone that came out last year. The interesting thing about that, is that is was said with a straight face. A few reasons why that prediction is just monumentally stupid:

1. The whole technology thing is about making something better than we already have. It's kind of like a plumber announcing on his blog that he's going to unplug a toilet – then waiting patiently for people to kiss his ass. Yo. Hey. Making technology for next year that's better than last year's is supposed to be something you're smug about if you're a technology company. If the garbage men high-five every time they get a load to the dump, it makes me think they're not exactly seasoned veterans.

2. When was "Longhorn" supposed to be out? They renamed it Vista and it came out a long time late. Vista, even though it's years late, isn't widely considered to be better than XP. Microsoft doesn't exactly have a great track record for introducing technology that is a.) better, b.) timely, c.) well received.

3. Raise your hand if you think the current version of Windows Mobile is more useful than this.

4. The concept of the whole riff was that we should wait until next year (at least) for technology carrying the promise of the above company that it would be better than what we can already have.

The part that really baffles me, is that a lot of punditbots are writing that Apple is screwed up.

Here's the thing. The punditbots are largely shouting to the blogospheroids and each other. Apple is selling a whole big bunch of hardware to people who don't know this little blatherfest even exists. They probably wouldn't care if they knew. The lack of being inspired by all this keening and wailing and gnashing of teeth seems to cause no problem for the uninitiated. They just run to the Apple stores and spend their money without ever knowing that John C. Dvorak said they oughtn't. Dang it.

Over the past few years, the Apple stores were doomed to failure; the iPod was "meh;" the iPhone was dismissed by the "experts;" now the MBAJ is an underpowered frou-frou. I'm just guessing, but, um, that's a pretty dismal record. I hope my doctor is better at prognostication than these idiotic analysts and punditbots.

Apple's fine, kids. If you've sold Apple recently, well, it sucks to be you. Shares of Apple are about to get real spendy. By the end of 2009, Apple will have a larger market cap than number two and number three combined. Yeah. Call that a prediction. Of course, I'm no Jim Cramer. Some day maybe I'll get rid of the self-esteem that keeps me from shrieking like a housewife who just won a Kia Rio on The Price is Right for a living.

Time for my pills.