I'm Getting Plagiarized.

Jonathan Kay is ripping me off, here.

The MBAJ is mine, dammit. I wrote that first. You'll hear from my lawyers, mister. Huh? What do you mean I don't have any lawyers? Okay, well, you'll hear from my plumber and the guy at the small engine repair shop that fixes my lawnmower every April. And Rachel – the girl who cuts my hair, too. Scared?

Okay. Enough of that.

Hey. Listen kids. Take tomorrow off and go see The Bucket List. Fecking awesome movie. AWE. SOME. Really. How can you go wrong? It has the three ingredients guaranteed to make a movie worth the price of popcorn:

1. Jack Nicholson
2. Morgan Freeman
3. A lot of critics panned it.

You'll laugh your ass off. You'll wipe your eyes at the end – even if you're one of those guys who only cries when Old Yeller gets shot.

I'm really pissed off that the one time I want Apple's stock to drop a few more points, it won't. Bastards.

Do these pants make my ankles look big?