Sunday, July 01, 2007


Eleven – out of the half a million – people who bought iPhones this weekend report that the devices failed to operate completely independently of human input. The iPhone proved susceptible to human idiocy. This design flaw caused the iPhone to fail to perform perfectly for the eleven individuals who were just too stupid to follow the simple instructions.

Additional problems were caused when everyone – and his Uncle Mike – tried to log on to the same server at the same time to set up their devices.

Raw Benderly has reported that the iPhone's sales won't be hurt; the Apple hype machine will bury the malcontents.

Other reporters have noticed the anomaly of such successful sales, even though all the iPhone brings to the table is superior software wrapped in excellent hardware and a phenomenal marketing blitz.

The iPhone continues to sell well despite contamination left behind by consumers and writers with the IQs of equivalent masses of sliced lunchmeat.

Fortunately, the anticipated India Pale Ale shortage failed to materialize. I'll be on the patio.