Thursday, July 05, 2007

That Was Weird

Hey. In case you didn't notice, everybody is using the iPhone as an analog to everything.

1. The iPhone is selling well. This means that:

  • The American consumer is stupid.
  • Apple is brilliant.
  • Steve Jobs is P.T. Barnum reincarnated.
  • Gens X and Y are tossing their retirements down the crapper for instant gratification.
  • All of the above.
Answer: Trick question. The iPhone is selling well because Apple made a phone. It does what it says it will do, and it does it in a cool way. As opposed to something with a lot of ginchy features that only work half the time and require a degree to fix.

2. Reviewers are raving about the iPhone, because:
  • They want to curry favor with His Steveness.
  • They're shills on the Apple payroll.
  • They've been taken in by the Reality Distortion Field
  • They really don't know anything about tech.
  • The iPhone is really awesome.
Reading around the web reveals that a whole bunch of people think the iPhone is just plain groovy. It's 21st century tech the way us boomers were raised to believe it would be. Every other smart phone looks like a broadaxe or mallet next to it. The last answer seems to be the popular concensus.

3. The iPhone is:
  • A slickly packaged toy.
  • Disabled because it only works with AT&T
  • Disabled because everyone who wants to can't write a lame Tetris knock-off for it.
  • An overhyped piece of shit.
  • Selling faster than Viagra in a 'clothing optional' rest home.
That one answers itself.

Hey! Dumbass analysts, pundits and prognosticators! Apple is about to take over the world of tech. In case you guys missed it, Apple invented personal computing some thirty-one years ago. Steve Jobs has a road map for where we're going with all this stuff. By the time all you "tech experts" figure out what happened, Apple will be trading at (split unadjusted) $1000/share and the entire non-construction-or-steel-producing business world will be begging for the opportunity to kiss El Jobso's little red Levi's tag.

You read it here first, folks.