The iPhone

Amazingly, after 11172 days in business, Apple Computer has not only failed to introduce a wireless phone, they have failed to confirm that they are even developing one.

The company has recently applied for patents on things that are roughly the size and shape of something that could be a wireless phone, and possibly made out of materials that might be compatible with sending and receiving radio signals. Apple's strategy of being rumored to be developing something that might be a wireless phone seems to be paying off, as their stock price has reached all time highs.

One person close to the company who would identify himself only as "Al" said, "We do not comment on incidents and accidents, hints and allegations, Betty."

Over the company's existence it has also failed to announce the development of a tablet PC, a scientific calculator, a food processor, a wood stove, a lawn mower, and a line of interior latex paints. This has encouraged analysts to continue to recommend buying more of the stock, because, well, who the hell knows what they'll announce at MacWorld in January? Also, you have to be impressed with the preemptive first strike they scored with their Zune-killer.