2007 A Preview

Here are some things that will happen in 2007 related to Apple, the Macintosh, the iPod, Steve Jobs, California in general, possibly an accounts receivable clerk in North Dakota, and the stupid sonofabitch who cut me off pulling into the left turn lane this morning.

1. People will continue to buy stuff. Some of the stuff they buy will be Apple-branded, some of it won't. There's stuff that Apple just doesn't sell that people have to buy – denture adhesives, 3-way light bulbs, tabbed notebook dividers, safflower oil mayonnaise. That will probably continue. On January 1, 2007, a lot of people who don't drink the rest of the year will spend the morning puking, moaning, and swearing they'll never drink again. A good number of them will be in jail, wearing clothes they don't recognize.

2. Somebody will win the Superbowl in a few weeks. That will seem really important for a couple of weeks. The day after the game, when people are cleaning up after all those Superbowl parties, the NFL champion will seem less important than the guacamole dip ground into the carpet and the wine stain that looks like The Fat Elvis on the living room wall.

3. After a few months – some time in March, probably – the weather will warm up noticeably. You know, to where you can go outside without a jacket. Many of us can finish raking leaves about then.

4. Pizza delivery will continue uninterrupted in most places, most of the time.

5. Baseball season will start. Basketball season will end. Someone will win the NBA Championship. I won't care. About this time the garage will have to be cleaned out. The lawn mower is under there somewhere.

6. No matter how the local baseball team is doing, "It's early in the season," until after the All Star Break. After that they just suck.

7. Apple will still be in business. This will continue throughout the year despite the predictions of woe and dirges being sung by idiots everywhere. That means there will be people buying iPods and Macs and downloading Elmo and Patsy's Greatest Hits from iTS.

8. All the other computer companies will also probably stay in business. Probably Microsoft, too. A lot of people's cars won't start because they forgot to turn off the headlights. Mostly, they'll be the people who don't have jumper cables.

9. Around October it will start to get cold again. Your team probably won't go the the World Series. Mine either.

10. Some people will do their Christmas shopping early. Some won't. Some will do all their shopping online, in their underwear. You really shouldn't visualize your parents, aunts and uncles sitting in front of computers in their underwear. You could be scarred for life. Then we'll start all over again.

Should auld aquaintance be forgot.......