Friday, September 21, 2007

You Say Potato, I Say Broccoli

I guess I need to clarify myself, somewhat. Here on Rip Ragged, conservative has a specific meaning. The meaning it may have had 20, 50, 90 or 160 years ago is of no moment here in the wonderful world of me. Likewise, the term liberal has a "Rip Ragged" definition. These are modern definitions. We don't have any "classical" in office or campaigning, just "modern."

Conservative voter: in favor of lower taxes, smaller government, a strong military, and equal rights for all minorities, including white heterosexual males between 18 and 50. Believes that we should bomb the shit out of the middle east. Secretly worries that the liberals may be right.

Conservative politician: Says what the conservative voter wants to hear. Votes for every pork-barrel boondoggle that comes to the floor of the legislature. Blathers about family values in public; in private has the morals of a goat. Tough talk on defense, record of being a total pussy. Claims to support reducing taxes. Right.

Liberal voter: in favor of giving everybody a flower and a hug. The poor and sick and needy must be attended to, and children mustn't be spanked, and animals should all be happy and snuggy-wuggy. Everybody should hold hands and sing Kumbaya. There would be no terrorists if we just give them a big old hug and tell them how much we love them and their "religion of peace." The government needs to make more laws to make sure everyone is happy.

Liberal politician: Dung heap.