Major Revision

One thing I forgot to mention, as Baxtrice pointed out, is illegal immigration.

Illegal means: Against the law.

Alien means: Not from around here.

Illegal aliens are not citizens of the United States of America, and they are here in violation of our laws. The Constitution is written, and the Bill of Rights applies to, Citizens of the United States of America.

Illegal aliens have no rights granted by the Constitution. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Zune.

You're not entitled to a lawyer or a trial before your illegal peers; you'd better not be carrying a firearm. You don't get a vote. You can't have a driver's license. You don't get welfare, food stamps, or access to public schools and free hospital visits. You don't have the right to assemble, and if you're flying a foreign flag in one of your treasonous protests you're toast. If you want to burn an American flag, do it your own third-world backwards country, friend.

You do not have freedom of speech. If you don't like something here shut up about it. That's your best bet for staying invisible, and you damn sure need to stay invisible. As soon as you're visible you're going home.

There will be places on our borders that have checkpoints where you can show your visa, passport, or some other piece of paper that says you're making a legal entry. The rest of the border will have armed men who will shoot you dead if you try to sneak across. Comprende?

While we're on the subject of Mexico, let me just say this: You guys figure out what America's immigration laws should look like. Pass them in your country. Then come talk to me. In the meantime. STFU.

As president, I will insist that the law be enforced.

Get legal or get your sorry ass back to your homeland.

Any questions?

As a side note, shooting people who are in any way deliberately desecrating Old Glory will be a misdemeanor punishable by a $50 fine, refundable upon publication of a written apology to their families posted in the "Legals" section of the local newspaper.

Vista still sucks.