Friday, September 28, 2007

It is to laugh....

TUAW, Wired, and Digg are the three best places to go for punchlines.

I can't decide if the original posts or the comments are more retarded. In each post there is either an absurd assertion or a commentard with less of a grip on reality than Britney, Paris, and Lindsay on a bender. Naked.

Warning: Anyone repeating any of the following on the internet will be called a zombie-cultist-fanboy by dumbasses.

One post today once again pilloried Apple over iPhone 1.1.1 and the lack of approved third party software. It was a Wired fart – linked on TUAW – that has a little table. The purpose of the table was to show that a hacked 1.0.2 is better than 1.1.1 in fourteen WAAAAAAAAYs. The only advantage of 1.1.1 is the iTunes app. Bozos.

When Apple issues an SDK, we'll have third party apps. I'll wait until Apple's ready. In the meantime, hackers are making use of system vulnerabilities to create these cute little apps. Is that how you want your phone enhanced? Via system vulnerabilities? Does that sound idiotic to anyone besides me? I mean, how frigging stupid are these people?

Try this:

Oh please, Mr. Thirdpartyhacker-Totalstranger, spread the legs of my Bluetooth enabled, global-position trackable storehouse of personal information and thrust into it with your hot throbbing malware. I want you, a total stranger to have access not just to my home address, but whether I'm there or not. Please. Take my credit card numbers. Better than that, take my whole database of personal information. I'll set my bluetooth enabled phone next to my computer often enough to make sure you get regular updates. Baby! More! Please!

You go first.

iPhones are not going to be secure when they're treated that roughly. Apple is pretty good at cybersecurity if you haven't noticed. I can count on one hand the number of reported pieces of malware in the wild for OS X – with four fingers and an opposable thumb left over for gripping a cold glass of IPA.

The notion of Macs being secure because not enough hackers are working on the problem is a tired old axiom that isn't just untrue. It's absurd. There are some clever hackers busily working the problem of cracking our beloved OS. Did everyone forget about the Month of Apple Bugs already? It produced nothing. NOTHING. OS X is secure because Apple works their asses off to keep is that way. To paraphrase GW, Apple has to be right 100% of the time; the hackers only have to guess right once. The same is true of the iPhone. With that in mind, if you think it's a good idea to just open the front door and invite the hackers in you're too stupid to be using advanced technology.

The EULA you agreed to when you activated your iPhone was your contract with Apple that you wouldn't hack their system. Apple warned you that you shouldn't let the hackers have access to the iPhone's innards a couple of times after that. Then Apple issued iPhone 1.1.1 to chase the bastards out. Lord knows His Steveness has tried to protect you. Apple's hands are clean.

If you want to bend over and invite a stranger in, well, go ahead. Don't blame Apple if it hurts.

Can you believe it? I'm out of Cheez Its again.