Sunday, March 16, 2008

It's Over, Apple. Give up.

I've been around and about the worldwide whatchamacallit reading. Wifey-poo doesn't feel good, nothing else to do. What I've learned isn't good.

All the computers in the world run Windows.

All the software in the world is written for Windows. All of it. There is no software for Apple products. None.

100 ± 5% of all the computer users in the world prefer Windows.

The MacBook Air Jordan is the Paris Hilton of computers – skinny, fun to look at, but useless.

The iPhone is a niche product. Worse than that, Apple has rejected developers in droves. DROVES. The potential developers for the iPhone are storming Cupertino with pitchforks and torches screaming, "Steve Jobs [something, something] Twinkies and Pepsi."

The iPod/iTunes ecosystem? Imaginary. Closed off. You can barely use the dogdamn thing. Amazon and Hulu are way better.

AppleTV is not the Messiah. There are less than 1000 movies, and they aren't in 1080p.

Steve Jobs? Well, if you take away his black mock-t he's just another megalomaniac billionaire with goofy glasses.

I know it's all true. I read it on the internet.

Fold up the tents; it's time to go home.

Notes: By my imprecise calculation, in the entire history of cinema there are fewer than 1000 movies worth watching, and seven of those were filmed in Super8 by my Dad. Also, I'm reminded of a story about a couple having dinner out.

He says, "This food is terrible."

She says, "Yes, and such small portions."

Update: They're developers. They PROGRAMMED the pitchforks and torches to scream.