Thursday, August 02, 2007

Another Post, Because It's Thursday

It's a really slow news cycle. All over the web, people are talking about all the big doings coming for Apple. And since there isn't a single useful snippet of actual information to draw from, they're making shit up.

So, with all this reading I've been doing, which, since I did it at work on company time, on a company computer running Microslop, will not be counted against my strict policy against research, I can report the following:

Apple is going to introduce a new iMac next Tuesday. Maybe.

The iPhone still, a fecking month after it was introduced, does not allow third party apps. Can you imagine?

If Steve Jobs doesn't select a successor pretty soon we're all going to die and Apple's stock will eventually go down. If Steve Jobs does select a successor pretty soon we're all going to die and Apple's stock will eventually go down.

IT guys disagree about whether switching to Mac for enterprise is a good idea. This actually is news. Up until just this week everyone in IT knew that Macintosh was strictly for the computer illiterate and those in jobs that encourage alternative lifestyles.

You can still read web pages in Arial, Verdana, and Times New Roman because Apple and Microsoft extended their contract on fonts. I know. I had to adjust the package, too.

Did you hear? The Macintosh is only securer than Windows because it isn't as widely used. Hackers aren't interested in hacking a Mac. The nice thing is that people (MS MVPs) are still stupid enough to fart that piece of information into cyberspace. I'm actually starting to believe that Apple is hiring bloggers to spout that cockamamie argument, just for comic relief.

You can buy a Windows machine for less money than the cheapest Mac. It's true. You can also buy a Chevy Impala for less money than the cheapest Porsche. That Chevy will take you to your job at JiffyLube and back for WAY less money, and get you there just as well as the Porsche would. Dammit. Don't waste your money on a Porsche. They get flat tires too.

I forgot to mention in last night's post why I'm not going to talk about the Zune anymore. It's so unimportant, I even forgot to explain why I'm forgetting about it. There are two unique things about Zune: 1. It comes in brown; 2. Nobody gives a flying fuck.

I'm craving peanut butter.