I've been doing research

In my lexicon, research means reading crap I'd rather not read.

David Maynor has been ripping on Apple again, for security stuff. It seems that Leopard is less secure than Vista. Macalope even agreed that Apple misrepresented the security of Leopard. I tried to read it all, but it had lower case acronyms in it, so it might as well have been written in sanskrit. Beats me.

I read somewhere that there is malware in the wild that exploits all kinds of weird shit on the Mac. I haven't heard of any attacks, though. What gives?

I'm still malware free as far as I know. Am I the only one? Maybe it's because I'm way up in the Pacific Northwest and the bugs don't like it here. I mean, it's snowing.

The new Zunes are selling like sunblock at a Phoenix nudist camp according to some reports. I still haven't seen a second person carrying one. The fact that it still looks like butt doesn't seem to be a problem for some people.

Somewhere else on the web somebody posted that XP is way faster than Vista in every single tested benchmark they tried. I wonder if they evaluated the graphic qualities of both Blue Screens of Death. Vista's is probably prettier.

Apple is just in huge trouble everywhere you look. Never mind that they're building iPhones as fast as they can, and selling them in almost every country that has a viable currency. Forget that the Apple stores are reported to have a tractor beam that sucks people out of the mall commons if they walk within twenty-five feet of the door. Ignore that e-tailers are back ordering iPods. Except for the fact that Apple is selling hardware and software at a ferocious pace, well, they're in bad shape.

Look at the facts, dammit. There are maybe a hundred people in England bitching that sometimes they don't get a good signal on their iPhones. Leopard is not perfect. Seagate hard drives in older 'books are turning to shit. Here's the scary thing: There are people out there who think that (close your eyes if you're squeamish) Apple is not perfect. Dog Dammitall. As a fanboy of the first order, that just makes me want to weep.

Apple isn't perfect? Man. It gets worse. People are saying that Leopard has actual bugs. Feckin' Hell! No! Unlike Tiger, which was absolutely flawless in every regard the day it was released.

Wait. No. Let's rethink this. I think Apple is kicking ass.

A few random observations:

1. Apple upgraded Leopard within a few weeks of issuing it to fix identified bugs. Apple will continue to issue security upgrades and second dot versions until, and probably after, 10.6 is released.

2. I've never heard anyone ever say that Apple is perfect. Have you? Ever? Apple's products are excellent. They just work. That doesn't mean they never stop working, or never have bugs, but long odds are in favor of having a good experience with products and service. I've learned that over 20 years of using them. Excellent is different from perfect. We fanboys are smart enough to know the difference.

3. I haven't heard anyone recently claim in an unpaid testimonial that any Microsoft product is excellent. Not that it couldn't have happened, but I missed it. I sure don't know of any sites that exclaim from the rooftops how wonderful life is now that they can run Access on Vista.

4. As soon as Apple gets it perfect, they'll be out of business. Their business is making technology better. If there is no "better" there is no Apple. At the point where perfection is achieved, Microsoft will be in charge again.

5. As long as some people believe that mediocre software-by-committee running on generic hardware is good enough, Microsoft will be making money.

6. The Seattle Seahawks really need to beat Philly this weekend.

Does anybody buy the plain old original Triscuits anymore? All that flavored crap is just annoying.