Thursday, May 31, 2007

Reader Questions

Dear Rip,

My Uncle Mike is getting married again after being divorced from Aunt Minerva for almost twenty years. He's been shacking up with his new wife, Jinny, for almost fifteen of those years. The whole time they've been living together he's been tom-catting around the town. Dad has been planking Jinny on the side for the last five years, and Mom became a lesbian because she says most guys' dicks are so small the difference hardly matters.

My question is, what do you think about the new unprotected music on iTunes?



Dear Confused,

If you have some weird need to make a bunch of copies of your music, unprotected is important. I can't hear the difference in fidelity between 128k and 256k music, frankly. I don't make many copies, so the extra thirty cents doesn't make sense to me. It's really a judgment call on your part.

Also, I think Coldplay is insipid.


Dear Rip,

With all the recent unrest in the Middle East, Russia getting pissed at us, all that stuff in the revelations coming true, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs making friends, the price of gas, and that really weird lonk-lonk-lonk sound my car makes these days when I'm trying to shift without the clutch, do you think it's worthwhile to add RAM to my G5? Maybe I should just spring for a Mac Pro.

Is the world coming to an end?



Dear Anxious,

The world is coming to an end. Probably next week. If you order the new RAM early and get it FedExed overnight, you'll have it Monday. You won't be able to download hot girl-on-girl action any faster, but it will render faster so it will seem like it.

Pervert. Get a life.

Dear Rip,

Is it true that you are really Steve Jobs?


Really, really, really, really stupid

Dear dumbass,

Yes. I'm also Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the frigging Tooth Fairy, and a Microsoft Application that won't crash your computer.

You dork.