Monday Discussion

The iPhone Cometh

Steve Jobs said the iPhone will be available in June.
Somebody else said AT&T said it will be available June 15th. I'll bet the rest of my sandwich that call is within two weeks, one way or the other. Any takers?

For the two readers who weren't here in January (you know who you are), here is a nearly complete list of things an iPhone will do:

1. Make phone calls
2. Email
3. The internet
4. Play video and audio content from iTMS
5. Hold down a stack of papers in a breezy office
6. Impress people who find such things impressive
7. Fit neatly in that little pocket on the side of your gym bag or purse
8. Protect your counter tops from hot dishes and pans
9. Stack neatly in a corner
10, Prop up that wobbly table leg
11. Excellent cutting board for soft aged cheeses like gouda and edam

Things you should not do with the iPhone:

1. Swim at depths of over 200 feet
2. Place in the dishwasher (particularly if using the Heat Dry option)
3. Tease a polar bear
4. Skydive without a parachute
5. Tug on Superman's cape
6. Piss into the wind
7. Pull the mask off the Lone Ranger
8. Mess around with Jim.

Things you cannot do with an unaccessorized iPhone:

1. Squirt. (Even if you do spot a Zune in the wild)
2. Deflect bullets (unless worn inside a Kevlar vest)
3. Shave
4. Commandeer Air Force One
5. Obtain desired results from "It's Morphin' time," or "Shazam!"
6. Connect wirelessly to any Commodore computers, including Amiga, or the TRS-80.
7. Contact the transporter room (despite the lack of intelligent life on this rock) and get beamed up.
8. Play CDs, DVDs, cassettes, 8-Tracks, vinyl records, or antiquated Microsoft file formats like .wmv.
9. Call your broker and short sell 100 shares of Apple.

Gloating is not just acceptable, it's practically required. That's what I intend to do when I have mine, anyway.

Did I mention that Apple shares are up again today?

Well they are.

The New Zune

Some people are calling it Zune 2.0. If you go to the Zune websites, you have more time to waste than I do. What I mean to say is, they aren't saying much either. They all seem to have the same strategically placed leak.

As near as I can tell, Microsoft intends the sources (who all agree) to leak that there will be another Zune or two. At least one will be flash-based. The other one will not be a rebranded Toshiba Gigabeat.

So there you have it. Great news for everyone who was hoping that Microsoft would introduce multiple new Zunes including a flash-based model and one that isn't a Toshiba Gigabeat.

This has the potential to take over the news from such developments as Britney's rehab, Paris Hilton's imprisonment, and the fact that the highest temperature in Chicago was recorded on July 13, 1995 at Midway Airport. It was 106 degrees.

And you thought I wasn't paying attention.