Wednesday, March 14, 2007

TellMe Something Good

Microsoft bought that company. TellMe Networks. They make voice recognition software. The news is posted on Forbes. Microsoft Business Suit Jeff Raikes wants to assure everyone that the iPhone was not even on their radar when they decided to buy a company that makes voice recognition software for telephones.

"Apple who? Oh them. Naaah. We totally forgot about them."

The telecommunications industry's (and Microsoft's) denial of any worries about the iPhone makes me think of The Scarecrow in the haunted forest repeating louder and louder, "There's no such thing as ghosts." As I recall, The Scarecrow didn't succeed in scaring the woolyboogers away either.

Here's why they're scared:

Apple sells products that do what they say they will do.

Apple makes – and controls the entire process of developing – the whole widget.

If an Apple product isn't right, Apple doesn't need Steve Ballmer's permission to fix it.

Apple is shoving industry standards up Microsoft's wahoo.

When Microsoft says "jump," Apple says, "bite me."

Apple is the only significant personal computer hardware company not beholden to Redmond.

Apple's retail stores generate more sales per square foot than Saks, Best Buy, and Tiffany & Co. Combined.

Apple is making a phone.

Apple dictated the deal they wanted to Cingular. Take it or leave it.

Jeff Raikes didn't even remember about the iPhone. This can only mean one of two things:

1. Jeff Raikes was hired for his taste in Italian silk neckties and has an I.Q. in the mid-double-digits.

2. Jeff Raikes thinks that the entire rest of the world is comprised of people who are very easy to lie to.

I always demur from making the call whether someone is lying or stupid. Others can decide

Make no mistake, when Apple finally has all they can take of Microsoft, Redmond will suffer the loss more than Cupertino will. I'll bet a Krispy Kreme and a cup of coffee that if Microsoft stopped developing Office Mac, Apple could replace it in less than a week. It would probably be a huge improvement. Just because Office is the industry standard, doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

In twenty years of Macs, I have learned a couple of things:

1. Always know where there is a paperclip.

2. When the machine is acting strange, look first to the Microsoft stuff that's running. Get rid of some offending Microsoft code and 90+% of the time the problem goes away.

It's not 100%, but it's a statistically valid approach to troubleshooting.