Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Apple TV

It's shipping. It's real. The Apple TV is coming to a living room near you.

Reviews are starting to filter in already.

The Wall Street Journal says it's good. There are a few drawbacks though:

It won't run Windows.
It won't wirelessly sync with an iPhone.
You can't hook it up to a 1973, 25" Curtis-Mathis. Even if it has a new picture tube.
It doesn't make decent popcorn.
Wirelessly transferring big files like movies across your house might take a while.
It can't be used as a litter box.
It only has a 40G hard drive so you can't put every movie ever made on it. (I should note however that it will hold the complete works of The Three Stooges, The Marx Brothers, W.C. Fields, and Abbott and Costello.)
It doesn't have a Zune port.
Frying bacon naked is still a poor idea.
It's square.
It's made for current and future video technology instead of the old stuff you own, you cheapskate.
It won't play DVDs, CDs, VHS, Beta, 45s, LPs, 8-Tracks, cassettes, mini-discs, or Pong cartridges.
Even in HD, Bill Murray is consistently funnier than Harold Ramis.
There isn't a "Horizontal Hold" knob anywhere.
You can't hook up an extra hard drive.
Four out of five dentists surveyed prefer sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum.
It won't sync lip movements with bad overdubs in Godzilla movies or spaghetti westerns.
It doesn't keep pancakes warm, and the butter and syrup run right onto the table.
It looks kind of brushed aluminum-ish, but it's plastic.
It's too short to be an effective step-stool.

That's just a partial list of the most glaring omissions. Naturally, the Apple hobbyist community will have most of this stuff hacked in fairly short order.


Stop defending yourself. Admit you were taken in by bozos, that you screwed up; move on.

We Mac zealots don't believe it's impossible to hack a Mac. We just haven't had any malware to deal with yet, so for now we don't worry too much about it. If you guys who hate us Mac fans want to strike fear into our hearts, you'll have to do a lot better than the MOAB (Mostly Overblown Antics and Bullshit).