Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A man has to know when he's outclassed.

Go read this, then come back. Damn, that's a great post.

All over the web, there is speculation that Apple is about to become the next Microsoft (Borg, Evil Empire). Let's look at the similarities between the two companies: ( )

I hope you were taking notes. Now let's look at a few differences:

  1. I don't like those ugly, shitty little underlined letters in the menus. I know they're keystroke equivalents, but they're hideous. And they're not the same in different applications. Brain dead.
  2. I've had it with those ass-ugly desktop icons with the ginchy-looking text in a box that's never a compatible color with the desktop picture.
  3. I don't like those goofy boxes in the upper right hand corners of windows. The big "X" one is just nasty looking.
  4. I'm fed up with weird graphical hangs where an Outlook window sorta-kinda-almost redraws itself over an Explorer window and you get the hourglass with an arrow icon that you can move around but it doesn't do shit.
  5. When one application diddles the dachshund it shouldn't take down the whole frigging system. Man, that's a pisser.
  6. I don't like that when I log in I have to look at that scrolling, DOS-looking, last-century window full of garbage that I don't understand or care about while I wait for the computer to decide if I'm logged in or not.
  7. The interface for "Task Manager" is non-standard in its native environment. You can't kill the sonofabitch if you don't know about Alt-F4.
  8. I hate that I have to verify what application is on top, even when I think I know.
  9. Fuck Ctrl-Alt-Del.
  10. When I drag my mouse three deep into menus, I don't need to be asked if I'm sure. Damn.
  11. I want to name my peripherals and drives Cleo and Harvey and Mongo. To hell with letter designations. I don't want to know that crap. Let the computer take care of silly shit like that, and let me live in my fantasy world.
  12. Watching low-res asinine animations of little pieces of paper flying between low-res asinine file folders was kinda neato 12 years ago. Once.
  13. I'm sick to death of that stupid, unoriginal, twenty-year old hourglass.
  14. It's still idiotic to press the "Start" button to turn the frigging thing off.
  15. I hate cutesy-for-the-sake-of-cutesy visual crap that adds second-tier-trailer-park aesthetics without a hint of function.

I've hated all that crap since Win 95.

By comparison, I don't think Apple's OS is fugly or annoying.

So there you have it. Apple is not the next Microsoft.

Any questions?

There's a couple of doughnuts left if anybody wants one.