Friday, December 21, 2007

It's official

Apple will introduce a 9" diagonal tablet in January. It'll look just like the iPhone/iPod Touch except for the size. It will be about double the width, double the length, and slightly thicker than the iPhone.

It will run the new UMPC chip from Intel.

Other features of the new to-be-announced device:

  • Waterproof to 8.6m (1.2 megapixels)
  • Free of pesticides and herbicides
  • Four-wheel disc brakes
  • Discreetly hidden elastic in the waist band
  • Machine washable (gentle cycle)
  • Financially secure
  • Broadcast in 1080p
  • Fewer calories and more vitamin C than previous formulations
  • Will not contribute significantly to global warming
  • Has had all its shots
  • Never needs ironing
  • Stain resistant
  • Likes long walks on the beach, soft music, and candle-lit dinners
Included software will include:
  • Lotus 1-2-3
  • Tic-tac-toe
  • Sargon II
  • Leather Goddesses of Phobos (Lewd version)
  • Mavis Beacon Teaches Touch Screen
  • Koronis Rift
  • Cosmic Osmo
  • CyberDog

Apple will also announce a megamerger with John Deere and The Gurney Company. The new company will be called Johnny Apple Seed, Deere.

Remember, you read it here first. Then you realized that you have entirely too much free time on your hands.