Monday, December 24, 2007

The Golden Rule

Dear Dan (FSJ) –

After reading your recent missives, two possibilities occur to me.

1.) You're riffing on the "Think Secret" takedown thing, and you're making the whole thing up. Testing the credulity of your audience again. That would be quite in character, and if that's what you're doing, it's funny in its own way. Scary, but funny.

2.) Apple is actually trying to take your blog down, and has offered you a nice pile of cash for the favor of killing FSJ.

If Apple is really trying to kill FSJ, and the things you're saying are your real feelings about the issue, Bravo. It seems a little strange though, coming from someone who became a blogger to make fun of bloggers. Now you really are something of a folk hero among us. You've made an utterly implausible blog based on an absurd premise into a successful franchise. Pretty cool.

It seems to me that now you should be taking a moment to examine what drives Fake Steve going forward. If you feel you have something important to say, and that FSJ is the best vehicle for saying it, the blog might be worth fighting for.

If you're just being noble, well, best of luck to you on that. If you're defending freedom of the press against a company a large as Apple, you're going to get creamed. Remember the golden rule of arts and sciences: Who has the gold, makes the rules.

As an individual, you'll get your ass kicked by Apple. But it's a fight Apple can't win. It's like what I tell the occasional twink who says he's gonna kick my ass. The fight can only go one of two ways; you can beat up a deaf, toothless, arthritic grandfather or you can get your ass kicked by a deaf, toothless, arthritic grandfather. Either way, you lose. So it is with Apple taking on a blogger.

The great public voice of the blogosphere doesn't rely on individual heroes. We collectively will win. Individuals will certainly be lost in the melee, but the swarm will consume all who challenge us. Apple will be forever tainted by Fake Steve Jobs if they publicly stomp on you. I don't remember who it was who said, "Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the gallon," but that was in the heyday of print. The innertubes are an even freer form of expression, where even dipshits like me can get a public forum.

That said, after your digital demise you'll be revered among us for your stand, just as we honor Daniel Boone for his last stand at the Alamo.

If "Namaste" changes to "No mas," most of us will understand. For $500k I'd change my name and move to a small town in North Dakota. Hell, Apple could probably buy me off for a six pack of IPA and bus fare home. Not that I think they'd bother.

Merry Christmas.

On another note. Our vacation home doesn't have a Christmas tree. It does however have a silk ficus, on which my wifey-poo has put a few lights. So we have our Christmas loot under the "fake-us" for opening tomorrow morning.


For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. -- Luke 2:11