I Can't Have One

I can't have a new iPhone. Well. Not for a few weeks anyway.

Having just viewed the 20 minute preview video, you should understand that the pain is almost physical and nearly unbearable. Of course, if my sucky old Razr should become damaged in a freakish accident, I'll have to replace it with something. Right? Gosh. I sure hope that doesn't happen (Wink; nudge).

Surfing around the various sites on the web, I've come up with a few things that might surprise you if you have styrofoam packing peanuts where most people have brains.

• The anti-Apple blogosphere is not terribly positive about the iPhone. They report things that are truly disappointing.
• People who work for companies that are not going to sell the iPhone openly state in public that the iPhone doesn't scare them.
• Shills for Microsoft say the iPhone is lame.
• Some companies are out there spreading outright lies about the capabilities of the iPhone.
• There are people who (and I'm not making this up) will have you believe that WinCE on an inferior device is actually better than OS X on the iPhone.
• A similar group of people will try to convince you that it's better to type on one of those sorry-ass keyboards on a "smart" phone than on a glass touch screen.
• All the other smart phones on the market that are just as good as the iPhone at everything, and better at most things seem to be all over the place. Nobody seems to be able to find one, but they're everywhere.

None of the people who riff on the iPhone seem to be able to find anyone who really has much good news. Also, they haven't held one in their hands. Which is to say that virtually everyone who is bitching is doing so with no actual knowledge and second-hand analysis from others with no actual knowledge. The technical, journalistic term for that kind of reporting is "crap."

Good news can be had though. It comes from Steven Levy, David Pogue, Walt Mossberg, and others who have actually been given review models to play with. Not to say that there might not be a slant associated with those reviewers, but at least they can see what they're talking about.

Zune Update

Any day now, sales should break the triple digits. With numbers like that, it is theoretically possible for two people with similar musical tastes to be within "squirting" distance and actually wirelessly share DRM.

Leopard Update

Did you hear? The feature-complete beta of Leopard is out there in the P2P universe to be downloaded by the impatient and unscrupulous. I'll wait until October. If the feature-complete version of Leopard should somehow hose my system, I need somebody besides me to be to blame.

Vista Update

Vista=Windows
Windows=Guano

One more thing

The basic iPhone bundle still (despite my nearly constant emails to Steve) will not include:

• An attached shoe horn.
• An "INCOMING!!" ringtone, with a whistling mortar shell and explosion.
• Any flavors besides licorice and blueberry.
• Universal remote keyless entry.
• NFL Team logos.
• The complete works of Douglas Adams.
• Frogger.
• The Doobie Brothers: What were Once Vices are Now Habits
• Something in baby blue; crotchless.

But don't worry. I'm still working on it. Oops. Time for my pills.