Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Stockholders Meeting

Master Jobst Fimil and his Padawan learner, speaking at the meeting today said,"Remember all the stuff we've already said? Yeah. That. Can I have a raise?"

I can't find a complete transcript anywhere. Just snippets here and there.

Ten million iPhones in 2008. No stock buy back. No dividends. Can't discuss unannounced products.

The stock finally came up a bit based on: No change in anything at all. All the idiot analysts have adjusted down their target price for the stock, but the price went up nominally. You figure it out.

I can't find out if anybody asked about all those hacked iPhones in foreign lands, or about the movies we're supposed to have on iTunes by now. If I could have gone to the stockholders meeting, I would have asked, "Are you people EVER going to open an Apple Store in Eastern Washington?" I mean, I must be one of the screechiest fanboys on the planet. Don't I deserve an Apple Store of my very own? At least one that I don't have to cross a mountain pass to get to?

Thank you.

Apple still has a lot of weeks to go in 2008. So far there's been something cool every week since the Expo – iPhone updates, Time Capsule shipped, iLife tweaks, Leopard update, the MacBook Air Jordan shipped, this week the iPhone SDK. Mostly a lot of small stuff with a few big goodies thrown in.

Over on Fortune or Forbes – I forget which, and frankly don't care – there's an article discussing the "problem with Steve Jobs." It's the usual dross about his "mercurial personality," and autocratic management style. If you'd rather not bother reading it, here's the condensed version:

Steve Jobs is an asshole. He does things that intelligent CEOs would never have the balls to do. It isn't fair that he runs Apple and I don't. I'm a lot smarter than he is. I'm a journalist with a degree, so obviously I know more about how to run a multi-billion-dollar international tech company than a college dropout. I'm stuck writing shitty magazine articles. He never even listens to me. What an idiot. Waaah!

Dear dumbass analysts and punditbots,

Please spend some time figuring out how Steve Jobs' management style works. Because, pinhead, it does. The company is – not to put too fine a point on it – kicking ass. If you'd stop poking the pekingese for a few minutes you could look around and notice that most of the negative spin you've written about Apple has been factually, observably, demonstrably wrong. Stop picking your nose. Sit up straight.



Just one more handful of Fritos, then off to bed.