Sunday, April 15, 2007

Breaking News

After sending our operatives under deep cover into the bowels of Apple Inc.... After exhaustive searches of every nook and cranny of the intenet... We even called several wrong numbers in the 530 area code...

We have found out that the death of Don Ho is DIRECTLY related to the late release of Leopard.

Experts are also concerned that Don Ho may have gotten lei'd on a grassy knoll.

Film at eleven

The estate of Don Ho wants everyone to realize that Tiny Bubbles was about champagne, not bong hits.


Rip Ragged has been a fan since the early '60s and thinks Don Ho represented Hawaii as the coolest place on the planet, and that he was awesome. I hope that Don has ukeleles and 19-year old hula girls for all of eternity. I also hope he's in a sharing mood when I get to heaven.


Monday, April 09, 2007

Blogger Code of Conduct

Hey, death-threat dipshit,

Last time I checked, threatening to kill someone was called "Assault with intent to kill." The powers that be can lock your stupid ass up for a long time for that.

You can get a visit from federal law enforcement agents, same day service, if the threats are directed at the wrong people.

How about this for a code of conduct: Don't do anything against the law. Don't threaten people.

You could end up spending time in a small room with a state-selected roommate. He'll probably have tattoos, missing teeth, and a somewhat devolved romantic appetite. To him, at least, you're probably cute. After you write a bunch of checks with your alligator mouth you're going to have to cash them with your tweety-bird ass.

Game over. You lose.


Sunday, April 08, 2007


Steve Ballmer and the Microsofties are talking about subsidizing Zunes to take market share away from the iPod. You just sign up for a multi-year subscription, you get your very own ugly lump of plastic, and you get the illusion of having saved money. You still end up with a Zune, though.

Unfortunately for those of us who live in the upper left hand corner of the country, where Microsoft is a major tax payer, this won't fix the underlying problem with the Zune. Namely, that the Zune's goal is to take market share away from the iPod.

The iPod's goal is to play music and video, and to look teh cool while doing it.

As usual, Redmond doesn't get it.

More Notes on DRM

I read over on Macalope that there are people who think we ought to keep the discussion on DRM going for music and video on the exact same level. Because after all, they're both the same. It's all restricting my ability to make copies of my stuff and dammitall I hate it.

Other people think we should split them up and argue about them separately. After carefully considering all the options, and looking at the situation from several different angles I've decided to put blueberries on my oatmeal this morning.

I've never made a copy of a movie. Here I am, fifty frigging years old, and I've NEVER even re-recorded The Outlaw Josie Wales. So DRM on video just does not mean diddly-squat to me. DRM on music doesn't affect me much, and DRM on video not at all, so to me they are two different discussions – both of which I would prefer not to be bothered with.

To me the major importance of the Apple-EMI announcement last week is that now I can buy songs on iTMS and play them on a Zune (or some other third rate piece of crap mp3 player). Wow.

DRM=Doesn't Really Matter

If the movie companies want to spend a whole bunch of money to prevent me from doing something I wasn't going to do anyway, it's their money.

Friday, April 06, 2007

The Week in Review

Dimmwitted Vague Opinions, Rants, And Kookiness

J.C. Dipshit made some more comments over on MarketWatch. They aren't Mac specific comments, just a general observation that technology in general isn't living up to his lofty expectations. He writes useless and meaningless comments a lot, and makes a living at it. In much same way as Raw Benderly, and George EEeeeew. Proof that ignorance, even in your chosen field of expertise, is no boundary to a comfortable life.

So kids, remember: If you pay really close attention in 9th grade English, buy a thesaurus and a dictionary, you don't have to know anything about anything to make a living commenting on everything. Be an industry columnist. Be a consultant.

Just state an opinion. Ignore incompatible facts. When faced with incompatible facts, call them opinions. Better than that, when attacked with measurable, verifiable data call the attacker a zealot.

When defending your opinions, use your previous opinions as facts. The great part is you can be wrong every single time, just like a weatherman or an economist, and the idiots keep paying you. J.C. Dipshit has been wrong about technology in general (and Apple specifically) at least once a month for twenty years.

Virus Alert

Important alert: There is a virus out there that could infect your iPod. The virus, once installed, infects all the files on your iPod's hard drive. Here's how to avoid getting it. Either of these two steps is 100% effective in protecting your iPod from the current threat:

1. Don't install Linux on your iPod.

2. Don't deliberately install the virus.

If you install Linux on your iPod, then deliberately install a virus that infects all your files, you will have serious problems. The least of your problems will be that your iPod is hosed - mostly because it's running Linux. Your larger problem will be that you're a tech-weenie with essentially no chance of getting laid because you're preoccupied with outsmarting inanimate objects and crowing about it like you just won a Geo Metro on Wheel of Fortune. That overripe strawberry above your right eyebrow won't help much either.

Dual Quad Mac

Some moron on the web, somewhere, said that the fully tricked out version of the new Mac Pro is too expensive. I didn't leave comments on his site because, frankly, I was busy. What with shelling a peanut, breathing, and scratching myself, I was just booked solid.

It seems that the whole package with Dual-quad 3 GHz processors, 3 TB of hard drives, 16 GB of RAM, and the bigole video card for the 30" Cinema Display rings the register at about $13K. Too much money. Well, I have to agree that I wish it was in my price range, because I really want one. I also want a Lamborghini, a mansion in Beverly Hills, and a busty, 25-year old, blond personal trainer named Inga. That's all a little out of my price range. That doesn't mean it's all too expensive. I just don't really need that stuff. (If Inga didn't kill me, my wife would. Definitely not on my "to do" list.)

If you need that computer, thirteen grand is in your price range. If you can't afford it, you don't need it.

If you think that means it's too expensive, you don't own stock in Apple.

Digital Retards Moan (DRM)

With regard to the EMI-Apple announcement about DRM, if you don't know about it you don't give a shit. It's possible to know about it and not give a shit. I'm living proof.

The only interesting thing in all this DRM bitching is that Apple and EMI have done precisely what the anti-DRM crowd asked them to. Steve Jobs said in his letter that he would happily ditch DRM if the record companies would. He told the truth there. The Linux-open-source-anti-DRM said they would be willing to pay more for unfettered music files. Got that.

They said they didn't want to pay full price for an album that they already own part of. Got that.

They said they wanted higher sampling rates. Got that.

They're still bitching.

I've finally figured it out. Apple is Microsoft's polar opposite in so many things. Treatment by the mainstream ("mainstream," in the Rip Ragged dictionary means: "dumber than a sack of wet socks.") media is no exception.

Apple fanboys say, "Microsoft's only mission is monopoly power over technology. Customers get sufficient lip service to promote the mission. Therefore Microsoft is evil."

Apple critics say, "Apple is evil. Therefore, no matter how good it looks on the surface, we must expose the deeper evil."

Oh well.


Apple computers running OS X are technologically superior to anything running any version of Windows.

It's my blog. I can say that if I want.

If you don't like it, tough tiddly-winks.

Okay. That's enough.